“…we agreed that it was like being born again, again.” 

I found a good bit to think about today as I read a post on Tim Challies’ blog, which is a daily staple for me. He almost always puts up something of relevant value for my day. This was no exception. The really good part was actually a comment by one of the readers. 

My little post here is going to be long-ish and probably not entirely coherent.  I want to try to capture what’s going through my head clearly but not lose it from distraction by other things.  So it’ll ramble, maybe not make sense entirely.  Bear with me.

From a background of mushy theology and easy-way Christian living, my recent salvation did not impart much real change in my understanding of theology. The Gospel took on new meaning. My relationship with the Lord was definitely established along with a great desire to know him “for real.”

But I had no foundation in serious theology (meat). I had a pretty soupy milk diet of what I remembered from my childhood lessons in the Word. I had Warren and Lucado, mixed up military chapels, charismatic tongue-flapping, “Left Behind” and Christian Psychology stuff which all gave me just that… Stuff. Not much to work with.

So, back to the commenter’s words:  “I remember discussing my discovery of solid doctrine, specifically reformed theology with a friend of mine from West Minster Seminary, and we agreed that it was like being born again, again.” This is what hit me most. 

There was a point, and I can’t really put a finger on it directly, where my leanings toward deeper, more solid theology became more of a downhill run. I wanted it, sought it, and then it started flowing in. This was mostly from study prompted by books I picked up. Good stuff, like Jim Berg’s “Changed Into His Image,” Calvin’s “Institutes”, MacArthur’s commentary, Challies “Discipline of Spiritual Discernment” and many others, which illuminated my Bible with questions and thoughts there was no way I could have come up with myself. 

I was initially spoon fed this stuff bit by bit, starting with my little brother, Ben, who was much more developed in his grasp of the fundamentals of the faith and the Word. He pretty much ensured I had a grounding in basic ways to look at God’s message and how I could take off with it.

A friend, Perry, who sort of just appeared from nowhere (not entirely), sent me a box of books that were particularly complex and hard to get through. I tried to wade my way through Iustitia Dei and the Cost of Discipleship. I don’t remember much about those or some of the theology books I picked up other than a general sense of what was good and not good (helps to have a Bible open when you’re reading stuff that is about the Bible). But what all my reading produced, during the first couple of years following the Lord’s call, was a desire for better and more stable understanding grew.

I can’t honestly say that my Christian “walk” improved as a result of all the study and ah-hah moments because it was intellectual stuff. I don’t think much had made it to my heart. 

This past year, however, I believe I can really relate to “being born again, again.” The solid meat that we’ve found at our church, the sudden (well-timed) switch from a congregation that was going south rapidly (and is now well south of right, only months after we left), a few moments at a Presbyterian church (not the liberal type), some good counseling sessions with a couple of pastors and some timely Bible studies, I’ve found a renewal of my faith and relationship with the Lord. 

That renewal is based on one thing first off:  Taking the Word of God as the Word of God. That means viewing the Bible as commandment and principle, not just as cotton-candy assent-worthy snacks. Our pastor preaches as such, our Bible studies follow suit and I find myself affected by that.  The Bible has become a clear description of God, his works and his commands that direct my perception of the way I live. It’s not just a self-help book or a series of enlightening truths anymore.

What do I mean by affected? I am increasingly convicted of the sovereignty of God and that nothing I do is outside of his specific direction. In other words, I didn’t choose to take this fresh stance and perspective on my own. Instead, I’m affected by the work of the Holy Spirit in all this new environment. Our counseling, our church, these things are God’s method of impacting me and changing me. 

The Word has a depth and value that far outweighs that first step into the waters of personal Bible study almost 6 years ago. I am convinced that what is referred to as a high view of God and his revelation is absolutely critical for the transformation into a lifestyle committed to righteousness. I didn’t have that. Now I see what it is and it’s working its way in.

Romans 11:33 “Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!”

Get this part though; I’m not bragging about some awesome turnaround in my holiness factor or some such. The battle there has, if anything become tougher and pitted with increased skirmishes with personal spiritual hygiene and my relationships with others. I think it’s harder, now that I am being more and more revealed for what I am, to consider myself improving in righteousness.

Psalm 1:2 “but his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night.”

What I am bragging about is the wonder and joy of God’s revelation and how it is so amazingly clear how he maneuvers and sets up the situations all around to grow and teach me. That God has not crushed me in my resistance to change. That he has, instead, tweaked bits and pieces here and there to show me what I am and what he wants. And not just show but implant that below the belt in a way that both lifts up my head in hope and bows my knee in submission to his will.

The battlefield has, in the scarred remains, some pristine towers still standing. I really desire unity in my family, involving a real sense of devotion to our Lord and to each other. I really want to be involved in my church, more than just an attendee. I really hope to be a good witness at work. And these not for spiritual or worldly “attaboys” but because it really is my reasonable service.

Romans 12:1-2  “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

A number of recent conversations have asked me to check my view of God, his word and the work he’s doing in my life.  Church has been challenging me on this the whole time we’ve been attending.  Work, in the last two weeks, has enjoyed a sort of opening of hearts and I’ve been a part of several sincere and serious talks about how to view God and the Gospel.  Online forums that I frequent have worked at me as well.

Some things I’ve found to savor and contemplate:

God is completely sovereign.  On the way home from work today, David Jeremiah, from Shadow Mountain Church here in Cali was talking about heaven.  He noted that John’s Revelation included a peek through the door to heaven.  Mr. Jeremiah said that John had been given a glimpse into the Control Room of the Universe and what he saw was God on the throne.  God is on the throne, never took a vacation, is in control.  Of everything.  Not just some stuff and letting the trivia spin its own course, but every little detail of our lives:

Luke 12:22-31 — And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you.

I’m completely dependent on him.  I can’t argue with him.  I am his.  I am holy because he made me holy and I’m filling out to fit that suit by his work in my life through the Holy Spirit.  I’m not perfect yet, but that is because God is glorified in his work on me right now as well as the glory he gets for saving me in the first place and perfecting me in the end.

Romans 7:14-25 — For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am of the flesh, sold under sin. For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.

So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

And I find that I really must be working on my Bible study and striving to follow the instructions contained in God’s Word.  There’s no room for quibble or putting off.  If it says to do something (or to not do something), I have to comply.  If I don’t understand what’s going on, there’s an instruction for that:  Study harder, pray harder, forsake not the fellowship in the process.  God helps through my reading, my prayer, my fellowship with his people.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 — All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.

Acts 17:11 — Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.

All this is pretty simple, and the scriptures take up more space than my own writing, but I’m also learning that usually my own words can’t really compete with what the Bible says on its own.  It suffices to say I’m really working at this, reading the Calvin’s Institutes, Martin Lloyd-Jones’ Great Doctrines; doing reading from the start of the OT (working in Exodus now), Luke, Acts; Attending, when I can, the Fundamentals of the Faith (MacArthur course) at church as well as the church’s men’s group on the Great Doctrines.

I’m trying to apply all this in the family, especially in relationship to A, who deserves a much more righteous husband than she has right now.  She needs a more loving, godly husband.  The desire is to glorify God through it all.  And recent months have been slowly revealing this in unmistakable crescendo.  Specially in the last couple of weeks.

I’ve been reading Sproul, Schaeffer, MacArthur, Paul, Peter, Luke and a bunch of other stuff.  I listened to Chuck Colson on the radio, along with Chuck Swindoll, John MacArthur, R. C. Sproul, Dr. David Jeremiah and a host of others (Though I think the local Christian radio station essentially stinks here, being negligent in their commercialism and foul in their screening of advertisers, they do feature the above teachers on their daily casts).  I’ve seen a bit of internet blogging and video as well.   You could say I’m really looking for some answers.

One answer that I feel is most important, so much so that if one were to stop reading this post after the next two sentences, all would be complete.  I have found there is a need for people to hear this and hear it good:

“You are going to argue; you, are going to argue, with WHO?  The Creator of the universe took the time to specially design you, personally pen you a complete, unobscured revelation of Himself, suffer for you on the cross, die for your sins, you profess to believe all this (or not, either way is moot), and you.  actually.  intend.  to disagree with His viewpoint?  Beg pardon?”

Basically, I’m feeling an itch on my foot and it sure seems to be inclined toward shaking the dust off…

I have seriously begun to try wading through the apparent morass of dispensational vs. covenant theologies, and I don’t think I’ve got far with that.  The basic reason for this theological dissection is that I’m from a pretty much dispensational baptist sort of background, intend to attend a reformed presbyterian church (PCA, not PCfrUitS-And-nuts) and I’m informed of the serious difference in ecclesioeschasoteribaptiologies.  There is so much scholarly work on both sides and I can’t seem to make sense of either one.  I am suspicious that this whole debate must be over a mystery that the Lord has not yet uncovered for our amazement or that we just can’t get along.  One thing I will note is that in my reading so far, the dispensies seem to be leading the way in meanness, but that doesn’t mean much since I may well have just not come across their covenant peers-in-arms.

I have seriously continued to try wading through the personally discouraging morass of learning how to love others as the Lord commands.  This has such miserably limited tangible results that I count myself a fairly washed-up washup.  I don’t think I know how to do it.  I pray.  I try it all with as much peace and patience as I can muster, and leave the rest to the Lord.

I see less worth in the worthless things around me.  I see more worth in that which brings less worth in this mortal span.  I am broker than broke, but His richness surpasses my sorry state.  I am tired and feel lost, but when I look to him, which is not often enough, I am alive and feel strong.  I need prayer and not just from those praying for me, but my own prayer.

Why?  Prayer isn’t a magic wand, getting us what we want.  It isn’t a toolbox that, when the right words are pulled from the drawer, gets the Lord convinced to help us out.  Prayer isn’t a self-motivation exercise that allows us to help our selves so that God will help us.  Prayer doesn’t get us those things just cause we do it.

Prayer is a continuous dialogue with our Creator and Master who has deemed it worthwhile to join us in conversation that flows from us in words of praise and adoration, desire and dream, penitence and remorse, fear and devotion, reflecting back upon Him the glory, sovereignty, omnipotence, grace, love and perfection that He already is, only this through our recognition, which essentially magnifies and glorifies Him all the more.  We get what we want not because we want or we need but because He is gracious, sufficient, loving and capable of providing.

We pray this each night before bed, and I strive to take this literally, with the fullest I can grasp of its scope and magnitude:

Our Father, (There is only one, this one, no alternative, not just God, but our Father that surpasses all fatherliness on this planet; the sole example of what father really is.)

Who is in heaven, (Holy and separate from us yet we know where you are.)

Hallowed be your name. (So holy and separate, revered even at just the mention of your name.)

Your kingdom come (Not that it should or that we want it eventually to get there, but that it already has, and will continue to come, acknowledged and awaited.)

Your will be done (Let it be done, make it so, we know that it is and has and shall be, and we acknowledge it with welcome arms.)

On earth as it is in heaven. (Let there be no difference, let us see it here and believe it here and with no question that there is any difference between your methods there or here.)

Give us to day, our daily bread, (For what more can we ask, those daily things that prove our breath and our pulse; and let us keep our mind on these simple things, knowing that all else can be counted as waste on our bellies.)

And forgive our sins (For we are sinners, no doubt that we are, and we have no recourse but to turn to you, you for forgiveness, for restoration, for fitting back onto the course when we have fallen.)

As we forgive those who sin against us. (May I never, never ask for your forgiveness, when I have not let go those offenses against me.  I make your sacrifice, your salvation, a mockery when I in my self-righteousness come to you for that which I will not give my neighbor.)

Lead us not into temptation (Take us far from it as the East is from the West.  Drive us from temptation  with every step we take.)

Deliver us from the evil one (Let me never worry that I have fallen into his nefarious grasp, rather, prevent me from my inclinations toward his ways.  Prevent me from denying you, from placing myself before you in authority, in reverence, in motive.)

For yours is the kingdom (Always and forever, there is no other.)

And the power (There is no power in existence that can twitch even a flicker of a shadow upon your supreme sovereignty.)

And the glory (And there is no glory but your glory, and may I take my need for pride solely  in that fact, that you are my God and your glory is my chief aim in my existence.)

Forever and ever (None of what I have just prayed shall ever change in tone or in value for all eternity.  While I am here on this earth and there in your presence, what more is there to pray?)

Amen. (And that’s final, period, I can say this prayer again, but it really does have the finality of it all built right in)

I have seriously been struck by my lack of discipline, lack of reverence and plain lack of obedience in my little life.  I’ve seen the light in some major areas and am a Penitent Man therewith.  There is a sense of authority that has been welling up in my life that is not my own, but that of the Lord.  I, on the other hand, feel that my ability to control, to will, seems so feeble that it rather hurts.  I haven’t reached a definite point here, nor can I get my head wrapped around it all yet.

Something I heard quoted by Chuck Colson today, which I’ll paraphrase and embellish lalala, resounds in my head like one of the Korean bells from when I was there in 1992, clear and vibrating like nothing else:

Consider the Lord, when surveying the whole of creation, from the great whirling galaxies and the gemstone planets, the trees, the waves, the men and the goats, the grains of sand and the DNA proteins, when he surveys all this, one thing can be heard, his own voice, crying out through all space and time…

“MINE.”

There was a prayer opening the services today, preceded by a psalm, which was also a prayer.  I forgot which one it was.  So in looking around, I found another one.

Psalm 27

“The Lord is my light and my salvation
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me , and answer me.
When you said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to you, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.
Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!”

A thought crossed my mind in hearing the one this morning and again during this one.  It is kind of silly but not. The good poetry about the Lord is already taken. I fail to find within me the absolute completeness and beauty of the poetry in the Bible. I realize that my content in my life reflects so little of that perfection of poetry in the Word of God.

I’m more like Rahab, or the tax collector, or like any number of others whose faith is there, but started out with that black eye of being an outsider, an outcast, a harlot, a cheat and a thief. It’s a dark and miserable place in which I find myself.  I try to imagine the trials of faith and confidence and acceptance (SELF acceptance, a phenomenon that though others may include you with all honor and love in their community, the SELF will not allow you to completely give your all back because it refuses to believe that truth of that community’s embrace) that these people suffered throughout the extent of their saved, God-fearing lives.  I know I’m not alone here, but I haven’t read too many out there who want to discuss this mess.

But these psalms, like all the rest of the Bible, are true truth (Francis Schaeffer used truth with a T; Truth). I put my faith in Him and He will preserve me. I put my desires in Him and He will fulfill me. I put my needs in Him and He will sustain me.

There is nothing God has not done or will not have done in my life.  This might sound like a rather weightless statement, but it makes sense to me.  God is everywhere in time, so what He will do is what He will have done, if that drift is gettable.  He’s got me laid out from start to finish and my course isn’t my worry.

So my Want-Needs must be communicated to Him, but not so much for His benefit, but for my own, that I might ensure they are aligned to His will.  And I have what looks like a Huge list for Him from my perspective.  Each one of these seems to contain a lifetime of needs and requests and patience and endurance.

I have a Wife.

I have 4 daughters.

I have a church.

I have a pastor.

I have a Mom and Dad.

I have siblings, their spouses, their kids.

I have people who work for me.

I have people for whom I work.

I have friends.

I count almost all of these as blessings almost all the time.  But they are all intimately involved in my needs and wants.  They all present problems for me and they all extract from me fears and reactions and mistakes and everything else that is in me, whether good or bad.

I have no lack of needs.  And I have no great confidence in Him who meets my needs.  I guess this is where my innate pragmatism comes in… I can shut all that off, most of the time, and turn on the Believe Switch, which closely resembles cruise-control on my car.  Relinquishing controls isn’t what is hard for me; it’s the worry about what’s going on that I can’t control that kills me.  But if I can’t hack it, I have to give it up to the Lord, whether I’m feeling the faith or not.

This is all rather mishy-mushy and I can’t really encapsulate it in this outside-face forum.  Suffice to say I can and Must put my faith…

“Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.”

Pastor Rob said he’s been there. Said it’s like you’re at the bottom of a very deep well. And it’s dark. But there’s a light all the way up at the top. And we’re up there. Looking down. Holding a rope. And God is up there too. And with you. And He’s holding the rope.

All we’re waiting for is for you to grab the rope. Let us, let Him, pull you up.

You have to choose to hold the rope.

Matthew 11:25-30
At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

This is the day our church pastors prayed for my Beloved. I prayed too. So we can begin the count of moments until our Lord brings her back to us.

Grab the rope, Beloved.

This list has grown since the first post back in February and I think it might be good to feature as a regular post sort of like the Good Reads Rollup.  It is wonderful to look back at recorded prayers that turn to praise.  The blessing of prayer is that every time I “send” word to God, I’m committing to His mercy and sovereignty and it’s just a relief sometimes to let it go to Him.  I think I said it before somewhere here on LAH, that faith is practiced, not just existent.  Prayer is willful practice of faith in a very solid sense.  Sometimes it seems the only course to take in life is to find a quiet corner, put face in hands and pray, hard.  I don’t know what to do most of the time, but I have to believe that God does.  Action that isn’t prayerful doesn’t usually seem too faithful, in my short experience.  In fact, un-prayerful action often seems to turn out to be selfish action instead.

So here is the rollup for my prayer-history of the last 7 months:

Just my quick thought for the day.

Fellowship

We’re supposed to be accountable.  To God, to each other.

Transparency promotes accountability.

Honesty is integral to transparency.

Communication is required for honesty.

If nobody knows me, my take, my situation, none of these conditions or states exists.

So if I keep my mouth shut, there is no Fellowship in my life.

Then nobody knows me.

God does, but God doesn’t seems to like one-way streets.

How do I know Him if I don’t have accountransparonestability right here in me?  He’s got a thing for Christians being together, working together.  God doesn’t call us to be the soloist all the time.  Rarely, if ever, are we required to be truly alone.  I’ve never been alone.  Not really (though my little voice-from-the-back-of-the-room seems to have the perverse idea that I am, but I’m constantly striving to ignore it).

So I talk.  Sometimes they (They, haha) say too I say too much.  So I say what is here in my mind.  I try to communicate my failure.  I try to communicate my success.  Things I think I’m doing right and doing wrong.

Of the things in my heart and mind, I rarely offer but a small sample.  I realize that to battle the tendency to insulate and hide, I must persist in my attempts to be transparent.  I must persist in making sure my loved ones, my brothers know me.  One small step at a time, revealing my shadows pixel by pixel, is called progress.

I can’t be helped, I can’t be encouraged, I can’t be corrected unless I open my door and let people see my living room.  And my bedroom, and my bathroom, and my closet, and my storage shed.

And, finally, my secret sanctum, that trap door just large enough to admit me, just a Robert-shaped keyhole that nobody else fits.  But that place is not truly a sanctum.  It is that place of torture wherein I relive my failures, store my potential in mothballs and rust; a dust-layered bomb-shelter outfitted with little more than a pallet, chains and reams of moldering papers and half-faded pictures.

And honesty starts by realizing that I have all this.  Transparency starts by widening the aperture that grants access.  Accountability starts by pushing some of that secret archive out into the sunlight.

Weakness pales in the light of the Son.  Shadows fade in the light of the Son.  Words fail in the light of the Son.

I need, I fear, I believe, I fall-have fallen, I trust, I run, I collapse, I lose, I plead, I barely breathe.

Yet I live, for He lives.

Stained glass hides the real insides.

I’m in Job right now.  Chapter 38.

“Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?  Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.”

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?  Tell me, if you have understanding.”

We normally base our individual lives on what we have experienced.  We don’t take into account the fact that God Himself put in the controls and actuators in the world.  We judge people just as they judge us.  We accept or battle our circumstances, be they physical conditions or mental, personal or interactive, based on how other people appear to us (not even as the REALLY are, but how they appear).  We determine our status, attractiveness, capabilities, our very worth based on what everything around us sets as the standard.

Based on this concept, I can claim that I am the smartest man who ever lived, because I’ve never met anyone who thinks all the things I think about right now in my life. I can claim I am righteous above 99% of the population for I’ve seen everyone around me do evil that I would never consider doing.  I can claim there is nothing wrong with me for all the rest are just plain screwed up through and through.

Job 38:2-3, above, refutes this mess.  God set the mechanics of creation, including the emotional, spiritual concepts.  He is the sole judge of my condition.  My salvation is completely dependent on me seeing myself His way and not because I finally understood through experience that I am worthy.  Left to my own judgment, I would never have come to Christ.  I had to see what He saw and then surrender to that vision.

“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?”

We are raised by the world to know without a doubt that we control our circumstances and can change them and that everything we hate about our state is our fault or someone else’s.  Advertisements say “get the new you” and “you deserve it.”  Propaganda says “believe in change” and “here’s who you can blame.”  Based on this, my weakness, my evil thoughts and my unjust actions are something I can change.  I can remove myself from the bad guy next to me and everything will be okay.

Job 38:12-13 above completely argues against this.  I do not have the right to blame me or others, nor can I simply drop what galls me and become something else.  God runs the show because He wrote the play and only He can change the characters as He sees fit.  We comply or fail to comply based on whether we choose to see things as He has told us to see them or not.

There’s a lot of emotion that boils up in every portion of our lives.  When we are hurt, emotion, feelings, pile up and tip the scales of our attitudes.  When we are weak, the same happens.  Just as importantly, when we are strong or are in good situations, our emotions, our feelings, rise with us.

It’s a good thing to have the feelings, for they are God-given.  They support our actions with the energy to continue when things are going well and warn us when things are not going so well.  But feelings are not the basis for our judgment of condition. Yesterday my little article said a lot that included feelings, and I wanted to address that important point further.

Even our feelings are subject to failure because our world is corrupt.  What we think about anything is skewed by our corrupted nature.  What I feel about you is potentially all wrong and what you feel about me is potentially just as wrong.  We cannot trust our emotions, our thoughts without safeguards.

Here, then, is the safeguard.  God has directed us how to approach good events and evil ones.  God has told us the value of our own wisdom and philosophy.

Proverbs 18:12

“Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility.”

Proverbs 18:17

“The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”

Proverbs 19:3

“The foolishness of a man twists his way, and his heart frets against the Lord.”

Proverbs 19:21

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless, the Lord’s counsel — that will stand.”

We don’t work on our own judgment.  We can’t.  But we do anyway.  This is why, many times, we need to shut up and take the Word for its word.  When God tells us that this is the way to do it, we must make the conscious decision to do just what He says and how, regardless of our own feelings about the subject.

When we fail, we take God’s opinion of the thing, not our own.  When we hate ourselves, we take up God’s position on our plight.  Yes, that seems impossible in almost every case, but it must be done.  We must, We Must, put ourselves to the side and choose to act as He would have us, as much as we do not want to.

NOTE:  By now, I believe I may appear exceedingly pretentious and high-and-mighty in my message.  In the back of my mind, that is what I’m feeling as well.  But I have consciously chosen to deny this pile of garbage sequence of feelings, because I have my Bible right in front of me and I am confident that I am coming from the viewpoint of the Lord and not of my own opinion.

Look at this verse:

Proverbs 20:22

“Do not say, ‘I will recompense evil’; wait for the Lord, and He will save you.”

We do not take action on our own judgment.  We take action on the Lord’s direction.  We wait for Him in all things.  We must, when faced with our own feelings, stop ourselves and consider what God has prescribed as proper view of the circumstances.

Many times those choices aren’t easy.  Many times we just can’t seem to bring ourselves to be emotionally attached to these Godly choices.  We can’t feel the motivation to pursue them.  That’s sin, still, putting out the final effort to keep us from turning from the old man.  We must, many times over, simply do that which we must do, regardless of how we feel about it.

Trust Him that through our cooperation with His viewpoint that He will bless us with the strength to comply and eventually even the understanding of His ways.

This, I believe, is the root of good works.  We rarely do good works out of a genuine desire that matches God’s desire.  We do them because we expect reward of some sort.  Better that we perform good works simply because our Master has told us to do so and trust that our reward (the only one that counts) is a closer walk with Him.

This applies to our character as much as our deeds.  We must unreservedly choose to act as God told us.  In truth, we cannot do better, for our corrupted nature prevents us ever being able to comply because it’s natural to do so.  We are holy because God declared us holy, not because of any innate ability to be so.

Ephesians 2:8-10

“For by grace have you been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Our purpose is His purpose.  We do not set our own course, and that means our own opinions and convictions, on our own terms, are not valid.  He gives and takes away as He sees fit.  Our joy and misery are dependent on His point of view.

In other words, we should be joyful when we know His desires are being met.  We should be miserable when we know His desires are being resisted.

Here’s what repentance looks like to me, and I hope I will choose, consciously, to repeat this whenever I realize I have overstepped God’s point of view:

Job 42:2-6

“I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.

“You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

“Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

“Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’

“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.

“Therefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

We pride ourselves on being logical, most of us. There are two routes for logic. One is right.

One is based on perception. “As I see it…”
The other is based on assuming Conception. “As He made it…”

This whole chapter is about obedience, but I am thinking most on the passage from verse 17-26 in particular.

Lots of darkness has been looming these past few weeks.  I am thinking all the time of what good words I can craft together to make wise and encouraging statements to all my suffering loved ones.  What has held me back? How come this blog and the email fog haven’t been stuffed with my prayers and thoughts?  I have a low level of confidence right now, I think, primarily due to an overwhelming sense that I just don’t have the connection to or the right amount of personal importance to say much.

What’s that mean?  First off, I just don’t comprehend some of the trials that are around me.  I can’t wrap my head around things like depression and misery that attacks so many of us.  I’m sure I suffer from mild forms of it from time to time, but I don’t feel like I have experienced it or understand it well enough to be able to be of any value.  In response to the heartache all around, what I have to offer is prayer.  I’m sure I don’t know what more to do.  So often, I come across as preachy (or at least think I do), and “holier-than-thou” in my words.  It’s never my intent, but happens anyway.

I could send cards all over the world.  Pretty Hallmark junk with smarmy gook that really means nothing.  I could type up long letters of “I love you I love you I love you…” but that just doesn’t make much sense to me either.  I figure whatever I do would potentially evolve into a self-deprecation episode just to make the recipient feel better because they’re not as bad off as me.  “If my misery is worse than your misery, then you must be okay, right?”  Believe me, I’ve done that plenty of times before, and it’s downright stupid (as well as lying both to myself and others).

And this little article is just rambling along.  I’m trying to get into a groove that will open up what I want to say.  Not sure if that’ll happen.

Look, if you’re down and you’re in the dark; if all that seems worthwhile is worthless, if the things that drive you just took you off the pavement and into the brush, it just doesn’t seem of any value for me to remind you that I love you, that I’m thinking of you, that I’m praying for you.  Many of us are all praying for each other.  Many of us are thinking of all the ways we might be able to encourage each other.  And we all either goof up the attempts or give up on them before the attempts are even made.  When the chips are down, the crowd scatters, apparently.

Here’s what keeps me going when I’m battling sin or loneliness or whatever else burdens me here.  It’s a roller-coaster battle here in FarFar Away, with good days and rotten ones.  I remember the claims in the Word here, like this one:

“If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’  you shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember well what the Lord your God did to pharaoh and to all Egypt:  the great trials which your eyes saw, the signs and the wonders, the mighty hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out.”

He did for them and promised the same to us.

In short, the whole of chapter 7 can be summed in a little bitty memo-sized comment:

• FROM: God
• TO: You
• SUBJECT: Stopped by while you were out of the office.

• OBEY.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  I ALREADY DEMONSTRATED WHAT I’LL DO FOR YOU TO PROTECT AND HOLD YOU UP.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  OBEY.
• ACTION:  Please Return Call

I can’t stress enough the things that I hold most valuable in this little life of mine.  I am not very good at keeping them in front of me, but they tend to serve in a crisis:

1.  Material things are junk.  Enjoy them.  Despise them.  Be responsible how you use them.  Whatever you like as long as they don’t interfere with your relationship with the Master.  They’re gifts from Him, not replacements for Him.  YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU.  I always WANT things.  I always want BETTER things.  I always do BETTER when I stop WANTING things.  There are few things I should want.  Take all the crust and toppings away and here’s what I want:   MY HEALTH, MY FAMILY, MY GOD.  All the colorful bits swirling around me distract me from this simple list of three things.

2.  When crisis hits, there is only one way out.  A Christian knows what this out is.  Do it.  There is always a Godly choice, and to choose anything else is going to end up likely worsening the whole thing.  Even if the Godly route is WAIT, there is one, and it’s there.  I don’t do well with this unless it’s a real big problem.  Little ones are just as important, but I have the faulty habit of cruising along until I get into neck-deep hoo-hoo before looking to God for the answers  Literally, when the pain begins, I must drop the toys I’m holding and run for the hills wherein the Lord’s will awaits.

In Matthew 4:18-20, Jesus enlists His first disciples.  They drop EVERYTHING when He calls them.  No grabbing the keys or loose change.  No quick donning of overcoats or looking for the cellphone.  They up and left, lit a shuck, DESERTED their immediate activities to follow Him.  They were called to a lifetime of service, and see where it led them?  We are called to do the same thing.  Every day we are called.  In this material world, it’s like every morning is the same scenario that happened ONCE for the first disciples.  We’re at our business, oblivious to everything when suddenly Christ calls us up, and, like Groundhog Day, it happens OVER and OVER and OVER, every day of our lives.

Moreover, we trust too much in people.  We put our faith in them, rather than in our Lord.  There’s a big difference between trust and TRUST.  When I compare myself, base myself on the people around me, there are two possible results:  I’m either inadequate or I’m superior.  Both are wrong.  I must look at myself through Christ’s eyes, and then I will see the truth of me.

I am most certainly inadequate and hopelessly helpless in comparison to God.  Yet He has given me hope, help and value.  I am His tool for His work.  When I am not acting like a proper tool for His will, I am a failure.  I must keep myself sharp, well balanced and clean.  Most of all, my condition is all the “payment” I can offer for the incalculable blessing and sacrifice that He made for me.  In Romans, the very first two verses of chapter 12, my condition and why I should be as He commands is succinctly laid on the table.  Because it’s my new status as a child of God.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

I, you, we, all live too much in the world.  We fret, we hobble ourselves, we flay ourselves, we weep and gnash our teeth in our little hells, for we fail to comprehend what God has done, what He has ordered and what He has promised.

Parting thoughts:

Though the pain is an ocean,

tossing us around and around,

You have calmed greater waters

and higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

Return to the Word, all of us.  Open our minds and hearts to our Master and despise the trickery and misery that this world insists is our nature.  We are Not Of This World.  Here is my prayer.  That we pursue Him instead of us.

“These tears I’ve cried, I’ve cried a thousand oceans.” But we can take joy despite our tears, for none of this is forever.  The darkness will fade as the Son rises to claim us.  Just remember, He’s already done so, and all we’re waiting for now is His personal visit to bring us to our Only Home.