Do not, however inane the conversation may be, on any circumstances get into a situation in which you compare your wife to any other woman in the universe. 

To do so is to tear down the entire concept of unity as it is portrayed in the Bible.  To do so is to insert some other body or mind between the husband and wife. 

There is one (ONE) wife that has been specifically set apart for one husband.  Without exception, we have only one filter through which we view our wives and that is through the lens of the Bible (i.e. Christ). 

To do otherwise, in either negative or positive connotation, is a hypocritical error.  It is a sin that reveals the depth of our own hearts’ depravity in regards to the understanding of relationships.  God set the system up as a reflection of Christ’s relationship to the Church and therefore, if we have demonstrated the corruption of our view of marriage through introduction of an external standard of measure, we also imply very clearly, as if making the same statement out loud, that our concept of the church is horribly skewed.

Ephesians 5:25: 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,

If there is any sort of play room in this verse that leaves opportunity to squeeze in another woman (or anything else, for that matter), it would take one heckova lot of convincing for me.

There are some places in the Bible that are more capable of handling a little drift.  This is not one of them.  Ever.  This little command is one that is loaded with implications that are anything but trivial.  From the first day of a relationship all the way until the marriage day and through till death parts us there is no option to compare each other to anything.  Doing so insults so deeply and is so uncaring that it might as well be intentionally slapping someone with lead-gloves.  It puts a bag over her head.  It tells God that His design is worthless and paves the way for the same treatment of His Church.   

And the worst part of it is that, though you can confess this grievous sin that is truly against God, and fellow man and wife all at once, there isn’t much way to atone for it.  At least, there ain’t much I can think of that would begin to cover the loss.

That sort of punch hurts the target so much that the offender can feel the pain, unless he’s dead.  And it will show a Christian just how short a space he’s come from the days before Christ claimed his life.  Unless he’s dead.

I’m sorry, Babe.  I blew it.

More of the Chuck Colson I heard this week on the Focus On The Family radio broadcast.  Marines during the Vietnam war spent countless hours training every day to be able to fight and survive Over There.

Why don’t Christians, who have so much more to lose, to gain, even come close to that sort of preparation for combat?  I thought the same way when I was a Newbie to the faith.   I’ve distressingly slacked off on my PT and combat conditioning as a Christian since.  I absolutely must (and want) to get that back.

Also, an alarming thing that has been around a while, but is sparked by not just the Colson this week, but with Anika’s history course in college (her term paper) and a bunch of other stuff, including a sudden, rather interesting resurfacing at work of my writing from last year.

Truth.  We still have a massive problem with truth.  Apparently, over 50% of christians cannot grasp or commit to the concept of True Truth, of absolute truth.

Let me make this clear, any denial of absolute truth, the existence of such or the questioning of such in regards to the Bible, is a denial of the Gospel.  Introduce one speck of doubt that the Word of God is true and what follows is denial of the Gospel.  One can claim not to understand certain parts all day long.  One can be in sin, sad and in confusion about Biblical principles or whatever.

But if a christian claims to believe the Gospel, on the name of Jesus Christ (John 3:16), and says there are parts of the Bible that may not be true, or that they just can’t believe in absolute truth, that person is seriously WRONG.  Here is where rubber meets the road.

Allowing the Bible to have non-absolute truth is what has brought the Episcopal church in America to the swine-pens.  It is what has made good churches flop to eating peelings and offal with the animals.  It is what has led to the tarnishing of the name of God in the eyes of the world.

Lemme say, I’ve read over and over and I believe whole-heartedly that humans need boundaries.  We must have concretes and absolutes.  Kids must have their boundaries or they will face horrid challenges as adults to conform, to perform, to meet the face of their peers, cohorts and enemies and deal properly with each.  Adults must have the same.  I see the lack of boundaries and absolutes in the Navy as The One Most Devastating cause of morale and discipline failures we have today.

Absolute truth, concretes, laws (not the ones passed in the USG, but those which really are RULES) must exist, must be comprehended and must be committed to by the superiors and the subordinates in all places of our society.  There is no exception to the church or to individual christians.  Period.  In fact, I am certain that it is actually EXCEPTIONALLY true about Christ’s house and inhabitants.  We are the salt and light, and our projection upon the earth is that of God’s Absolute Authority over our lives, those outside God’s family and all of creation.  Period.

Colson said this problem is why so many are turning to Islam, because it is a source of concrete rules, of doctrine where the adherent is required (REQUIRED) to follow the rules.  Period.

SHAME on me.  Shame on us.  Shame on us for not following God’s rules, his directions throughout our lives.  Double shame on us in handling his word as a business manual for making our own names big and our pocketbooks fatter.  TRIPLE shame on us who deny that God’s testimony of himself could even possibly, even minutely unimportantly, be questionable.

If I don’t agree with the Bible, saying it is wrong in this place or that part, I am wrong, not the Bible.  Be my argument the handling of sex and relationships, I am on the losing end.  If my argument is health and wealth being mine and not at the sole discretion of my God in his unwavering will, I am at fault.  If I want to chill out with a cold one and a smoke and talk about the hot chicks at work for hours, giving up the chance to go to worship and renew my walk with my fellow christians in the race that we all swore we’d begin and complete without reserve, and I argue that the Bible has given me that freedom now, for I am free…  I’m wrong there too.

And I’ve done them all.  All three listed and plenty others.  Some still hurt, the miserable, sinful, horridness of my choices AS A PROFESSING CHRISTIAN and I shudder to recall them.  I am forgiven, but the chills remain, an inescapable cross that casts its shadow on my face, reminding me of how much argument with my God costs.  I still haven’t finished dealing with some of it.  Some of my sins’ shadows are going to come knocking here eventually,  and there’s really nothing I can do but wait for the color to show and seek the restitution as it becomes possible.

All that simply means that personal defiance, denial, departure in regards to God’s Word is the stuff of nightmares.  It’s death to testimony, death to ministry, to fellowship, to witness, you name it.  It might not destroy your salvation, which God has fore-ordained and pre-paid from before time and through Christ’s sacrifice for the death penalty, but it can render us with empty pockets and bare feet when we come home to him, asking in our groveling shame to be numbered among the lowest servants.

Worthiness to be called sons of God includes living up to the terms of adoption.  We enter a new house, we fall under its rules.  Children grow up under a set of rules in their homes.  If ever they return to their childhood home, the rules, I would think, would still be there.  We owe Our Lord that commitment, that very signature-in-blood-oath that is our own fundamental, unshakeable, absolute truth:  Obedience and belief.

Walking the fence?  Peril.  If you fall off, you’ll hit hard on either side.  There’s your ground truth.

I’ve been reading Sproul, Schaeffer, MacArthur, Paul, Peter, Luke and a bunch of other stuff.  I listened to Chuck Colson on the radio, along with Chuck Swindoll, John MacArthur, R. C. Sproul, Dr. David Jeremiah and a host of others (Though I think the local Christian radio station essentially stinks here, being negligent in their commercialism and foul in their screening of advertisers, they do feature the above teachers on their daily casts).  I’ve seen a bit of internet blogging and video as well.   You could say I’m really looking for some answers.

One answer that I feel is most important, so much so that if one were to stop reading this post after the next two sentences, all would be complete.  I have found there is a need for people to hear this and hear it good:

“You are going to argue; you, are going to argue, with WHO?  The Creator of the universe took the time to specially design you, personally pen you a complete, unobscured revelation of Himself, suffer for you on the cross, die for your sins, you profess to believe all this (or not, either way is moot), and you.  actually.  intend.  to disagree with His viewpoint?  Beg pardon?”

Basically, I’m feeling an itch on my foot and it sure seems to be inclined toward shaking the dust off…

I have seriously begun to try wading through the apparent morass of dispensational vs. covenant theologies, and I don’t think I’ve got far with that.  The basic reason for this theological dissection is that I’m from a pretty much dispensational baptist sort of background, intend to attend a reformed presbyterian church (PCA, not PCfrUitS-And-nuts) and I’m informed of the serious difference in ecclesioeschasoteribaptiologies.  There is so much scholarly work on both sides and I can’t seem to make sense of either one.  I am suspicious that this whole debate must be over a mystery that the Lord has not yet uncovered for our amazement or that we just can’t get along.  One thing I will note is that in my reading so far, the dispensies seem to be leading the way in meanness, but that doesn’t mean much since I may well have just not come across their covenant peers-in-arms.

I have seriously continued to try wading through the personally discouraging morass of learning how to love others as the Lord commands.  This has such miserably limited tangible results that I count myself a fairly washed-up washup.  I don’t think I know how to do it.  I pray.  I try it all with as much peace and patience as I can muster, and leave the rest to the Lord.

I see less worth in the worthless things around me.  I see more worth in that which brings less worth in this mortal span.  I am broker than broke, but His richness surpasses my sorry state.  I am tired and feel lost, but when I look to him, which is not often enough, I am alive and feel strong.  I need prayer and not just from those praying for me, but my own prayer.

Why?  Prayer isn’t a magic wand, getting us what we want.  It isn’t a toolbox that, when the right words are pulled from the drawer, gets the Lord convinced to help us out.  Prayer isn’t a self-motivation exercise that allows us to help our selves so that God will help us.  Prayer doesn’t get us those things just cause we do it.

Prayer is a continuous dialogue with our Creator and Master who has deemed it worthwhile to join us in conversation that flows from us in words of praise and adoration, desire and dream, penitence and remorse, fear and devotion, reflecting back upon Him the glory, sovereignty, omnipotence, grace, love and perfection that He already is, only this through our recognition, which essentially magnifies and glorifies Him all the more.  We get what we want not because we want or we need but because He is gracious, sufficient, loving and capable of providing.

We pray this each night before bed, and I strive to take this literally, with the fullest I can grasp of its scope and magnitude:

Our Father, (There is only one, this one, no alternative, not just God, but our Father that surpasses all fatherliness on this planet; the sole example of what father really is.)

Who is in heaven, (Holy and separate from us yet we know where you are.)

Hallowed be your name. (So holy and separate, revered even at just the mention of your name.)

Your kingdom come (Not that it should or that we want it eventually to get there, but that it already has, and will continue to come, acknowledged and awaited.)

Your will be done (Let it be done, make it so, we know that it is and has and shall be, and we acknowledge it with welcome arms.)

On earth as it is in heaven. (Let there be no difference, let us see it here and believe it here and with no question that there is any difference between your methods there or here.)

Give us to day, our daily bread, (For what more can we ask, those daily things that prove our breath and our pulse; and let us keep our mind on these simple things, knowing that all else can be counted as waste on our bellies.)

And forgive our sins (For we are sinners, no doubt that we are, and we have no recourse but to turn to you, you for forgiveness, for restoration, for fitting back onto the course when we have fallen.)

As we forgive those who sin against us. (May I never, never ask for your forgiveness, when I have not let go those offenses against me.  I make your sacrifice, your salvation, a mockery when I in my self-righteousness come to you for that which I will not give my neighbor.)

Lead us not into temptation (Take us far from it as the East is from the West.  Drive us from temptation  with every step we take.)

Deliver us from the evil one (Let me never worry that I have fallen into his nefarious grasp, rather, prevent me from my inclinations toward his ways.  Prevent me from denying you, from placing myself before you in authority, in reverence, in motive.)

For yours is the kingdom (Always and forever, there is no other.)

And the power (There is no power in existence that can twitch even a flicker of a shadow upon your supreme sovereignty.)

And the glory (And there is no glory but your glory, and may I take my need for pride solely  in that fact, that you are my God and your glory is my chief aim in my existence.)

Forever and ever (None of what I have just prayed shall ever change in tone or in value for all eternity.  While I am here on this earth and there in your presence, what more is there to pray?)

Amen. (And that’s final, period, I can say this prayer again, but it really does have the finality of it all built right in)

I have seriously been struck by my lack of discipline, lack of reverence and plain lack of obedience in my little life.  I’ve seen the light in some major areas and am a Penitent Man therewith.  There is a sense of authority that has been welling up in my life that is not my own, but that of the Lord.  I, on the other hand, feel that my ability to control, to will, seems so feeble that it rather hurts.  I haven’t reached a definite point here, nor can I get my head wrapped around it all yet.

Something I heard quoted by Chuck Colson today, which I’ll paraphrase and embellish lalala, resounds in my head like one of the Korean bells from when I was there in 1992, clear and vibrating like nothing else:

Consider the Lord, when surveying the whole of creation, from the great whirling galaxies and the gemstone planets, the trees, the waves, the men and the goats, the grains of sand and the DNA proteins, when he surveys all this, one thing can be heard, his own voice, crying out through all space and time…

“MINE.”

When I was a wiccan, walking in the spirit would mean doing some cool astral travel.  I would tune out the world and hit the skies for a romp in a place of pure energy and peace.  I’d commune with my gods on a sort of non-verbal, sensual level.  It was immediately rewarding and fun, very empowering but left a rather empty, lonely space in the end.

There was no real fulfillment in such metaphysical activity.  I certainly never allowed the sheer peril in which I placed myself to come into my conscious thought, though I knew very well just what kind of trouble I was getting into.

But what I sought was a real pairing, a community, a relationship with deity.  Something I’d been raised with in my Christian home was missing.  I didn’t have access to God and never would in my failed condition.  Sin had always ruled my life, though I was just. so. close. to salvation as a kid in church that I knew something of what it should be like to be right with God.  I spent 10 years as a wiccan trying to reach that rightness.

And here it is in simplicity, the real Walking In The Spirit:

Galatians 5:12

“I say then:  Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.  For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish.  But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.”

I knew all along that I was in sin.  I knew what the result of sin was.  And I knew what was required to escape the result.  I just refused to accept it.  Not going into the long discussion of how it all worked or what the sordid details entail, I essentially was involved in the literal interpretation of nearly every item listed in verses 19-22 of Galatians 5.

Here I am now, still a sinner, still wishing it could all be packed up tight and taken from my pockets, but I’m stuck with the remnant of a sin nature that won’t go away until Jesus comes to get me.  I have, though, the means to suppress it, and that is the communion with the Spirit I have through prayer, fellowship and the Word.  That’s walking in the Spirit.  God is right here with me and He’s going to keep me straight on course just so long as I submit to the commands He’s given in the Bible.

I can’t do it without staying in the Bible and praying and keeping the relationships with my fellows.

I know this little post isn’t really as deep or wordy as most others, but this issue is simple to me, though hardest to keep on my table.  It needs to get displayed and studied and pursued.  So here’s my little reminder to me.  Pray, bud.  Pray and pray and study and pray.  Pray the Psalms, pray the prayers throughout the whole Bible, pray some more.  And finally, pal, act on it without fear or reservation.  Make integrity a synonym of Walking In The Spirit.

So today I think I’m going to talk about issues of the heart.  All of them, maybe.  One at a time.  Easy enough?  Here goes (I’ll start off complex and work my way progressively to more simple stuff):

A boss today essentially told me I needed to straighten up my act.  There’s a guy who works for me that has serious problems with authority.  He is a classic case of aggressive-passive (intentional wording).  Given a task, he will comply to the very minimum requirements of the task and grumble, back-bite, whine, blame and whatever-else-can-issue-from-the-mouth to the very maximum tolerance of his surroundings without actually crossing the line into blatant defiance.  And he cares not a whit for who hears him or observes it.  But this whole thing isn’t about him.  It’s about me.  The boss said I shouldn’t take that from him.  He said I really need to ratchet down on my little problem-child and basically tell him to put up or shut up.

The boss is right.  And I agreed with him.  As explanation (as opposed to excuse), I said I’d never really run into this type of character at work before and I wasn’t sure what buttons I could push to start getting through to him.  I’ve been in a lot (I think, A Lot) of odd situations with odd circumstances and a broad variety of characters, but honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been saddled with this type of total butt-pain.  So I’ve never really had to use the #9 boot calibration method, which is required in this situation.

The boss said “You wouldn’t let this kind of garbage go on at home with your kids, right?”  To which I obviously had to say, “Of course not.”  And that, of course, gave me pause and I really had to think.  Would I?

It’s two different situations.  I’ve spent my life with my kids and 13 years with my Wife.  I think I know how to diffuse, control, stop, bypass and deal with this sort of mess at home.  And I enjoy an authority and influence at home that I certainly do not possess at work.  So he’s right.  I wouldn’t let that go on in my own home.

At work, I’m in a different situation (keep with me here, it’ll make sense).  I’m experientially subordinate to the people who work for me.  They’ve been in the specific field we work in for a dedicated 3 years wherein I’ve been at it for less that 6 months.  They’re well acquainted with each other and the majority of the other workers in the environment.  I am not.  They have become set in their routine, methods and practice.  I am not part of that.  All of this combines to make a battlefield in which I am at serious disadvantage.  I don’t really know the lay of the land.  The enemy is thoroughly entrenched and they know the ranges, weather, terrain and maneuvers to get what they want done.

Bullshit.  If a guy consistently cusses you out behind your back and essentially tells you where you can stuff it, even if he ultimately complies with orders, he is an insubordinate failure.  And you have allowed him to fail.  Point one to God’s law.  As leader, I am responsible.

If someone persistently offends, practicing unacceptable practices, hurts others, leads the progression of others’ growing skills in the same negative behavior, then that person is a failure.  And you have allowed him to fail.  Point one to God’s law.  As leader, I am responsible.

It’s a matter of the heart.  I’ve a better grasp and performance rating in this leadership process at home.  While nowhere perfect at it, I strive as patiently and enduringly as I can to battle uprisings of bad attitudes, hurtful actions, fighting, backbiting and general monstrocity daily.  And I am as relentless as I can be.

I have not taken that integrity, ethic, standard to work with me.  Because I am afraid.  Because I’m dealing with people with whom I’m not intimate and with whom I’m not familiar.  So I err on the side of weakness, avoiding conflict with the problems because I want to be liked.  Because I want work to be good.  O do I want the work to be good.  But instead I hate my job.  I spend no little amount of time hating myself because of what I do (rather, don’t do) at work.

I have not kept my faith in my God in focus.  I faith myself to death at home.  Praying doggedly for my family in general and in specifics.  I push my kids’ buttons with as much strength as I can to get them as sin-free as I can, knowing each time that success is of God and not of me.

But I don’t do that at work.  I change faces at work.  And the face I have is not particularly admirable.

Simple bit:  It’s of the heart.  I’m not sick.  It is not the fault of the jerk at work.  It is not the environment at work.  It’s not the lack of fulfillment at work.  It’s not stress at home making my work wrong.  It’s me.  Me resisting the pulls of the Spirit to pursue God’s ways at work.  I have let the World work a weak spot of corrosion in my character.

It’s of the heart when you’re dealing with a liar.  It’s of the heart when you have a deep depression.  It’s of the heart when you’re battling someone who just. won’t. listen.  It’s of the heart when you can’t seem to give up this or that.

Yes, physical conditions, the environment, other people, the weather, body-odor can all contribute to aggravate a problem.  But the real root is just that, the heart.

We’ve been studying in Romans at church.  We read in Chapter 1 how things suck so bad that if we really grasped the depth of the problem, we’d probably all just curl up into little balls and wait for the meteor to obliterate us.

Romans 1:28,

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

Simple.  31 flavors.  One for everyone.  Pick.  I have most of them in my toolbox.

Simplest:  Just in case anybody didn’t see their personal colors in 1:28, here’s the catch-all:

Romans 3:10 (and Psalm 14:1-3)

“As it is written:  ‘There is none righteous, no, not one;’”

We’re messed up.  It’s in the heart.  Can’t blame it on the rain.

Now how does it apply to the current theme here on my little blog?  Healing?  Look.  I am aware of the physical problems.  I know about medications now, and clinical diagnoses and everything.  I may not know everything, but I know way more than I really want to know now.  I’ve done research and see the light.  There’s no denying a physiological and environmental part, huge part, in all this trial.  But in the end, should all those things be cured…

It’s still in the heart.

And that’s what I’m praying for most of all.  That He’ll put us all in the way of fixing her heart.  He’ll do it, I’m sure.  I just want the joy of being a part of that miracle.  And I want it more than I want to fix the thing at work.

But, I think, as I’ve said and have been told a million times before:  If you can’t be trusted in the little things, how can you make it in the big time?

Parable of the Talents, Matthew 25:14-30.  Look it up.  I did.

I’ve had so many struggles with how all this works.  How can we lose all motivation to go, to do?  How can there be no ability to even be pragmatic, to Do things just because they need doing?  I still don’t completely grasp this idea, probably because I haven’t experienced it in my life.  But I know that monster exists, the evil Gave-up Monster that takes away desire and motivation.  The monster that encourages its own existence by stifling and seeking out all possible help to maintain its position.  I see it attacking all the time.

I know there are tactics to fight.  Unfortunately, one of those isn’t a good one, though it has good intentions.  Throwing Scripture around as a mantra, repeating and repeating, has been advertised to us as a means to battle this sickness.  Romans 8:28 is a classic, repeated as if a spell to be cast that will resolve all trials.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Yep, the verse is sound truth.  It has been proven over and over that God has lived up to this statement.  But it isn’t a cure-all.  It doesn’t work, just repeating it.

The answer is not simple repetition, in my experience.  I would rather live by the rules in Romans 12, which lead me to Philippians 2.

Romans 12:1-2 (ESV)

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Philippians 2:12-18 (ESV)

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.”

Thanks to a really good conversation with my brother today, I got this sort of solidified in my mind.  I’ve thought about it all and tried to practice it, but sometimes putting it to the test of discussion, putting it in my own words really makes it tangible.

So today is application for me, not just in pursuit of the cure.  I must take my steps in the Word, and when I can’t grasp a concept or give up a sin or commit to a Godly quality, I must take God’s word, wrangle over it, daily if necessary, to break through the barrier that prevents me from approaching Him.

Baby steps, as the pastor told my beloved last week, are what it takes.  Same for me.  Maybe I don’t suffer from the DeMotivation Give-Up Monster’s presence, but my faults demand the same therapy.  I have to work moment-by-moment to resolve my salvation.  Progressive sanctification isn’t anything more than a walk.  It’s not just any walk, though, but consists of a crippled, broken man who is self-centered, miserable and lacking in faith, who stumbles and gets lost along the way.

An aside, but still pertinent:  So many people live in fear.  I think it’s horrible.  This is the fear I’d like to live with, and ideally the only one that is valid.  If I don’t get something the Bible has said, if I don’t understand my own position before the Lord on a given issue, that is when I should have fear.  Working out my salvation with fear and trembling means just this:  When I’m in a position to be wrong, I should be afraid, afraid enough to want to chase that resolution to ground.  If I’m set up to do wrong, I need to remember that I am at risk of being opposed to my God.  That alone should be cause for fear and trembling.  Nothing the world has to offer should be able to cause fear that comes close to this.

Just as with my driving, as I have to constantly check the map in order to keep my car going in the right direction (I could use a GPS), I need to check, persistently, the directions from the Bible, for nothing else will get me to the next hill or mountain top.  Nothing else can get me through these valleys and ravines.

Jars of Clay

The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I’m crying out to You

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

when death, like a gypsy
comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
but I fear You aren’t listening
because there are no words
just the stillness
and the hunger
for a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

I’m in Job right now.  Chapter 38.

“Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?  Now prepare yourself like a man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me.”

Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?  Tell me, if you have understanding.”

We normally base our individual lives on what we have experienced.  We don’t take into account the fact that God Himself put in the controls and actuators in the world.  We judge people just as they judge us.  We accept or battle our circumstances, be they physical conditions or mental, personal or interactive, based on how other people appear to us (not even as the REALLY are, but how they appear).  We determine our status, attractiveness, capabilities, our very worth based on what everything around us sets as the standard.

Based on this concept, I can claim that I am the smartest man who ever lived, because I’ve never met anyone who thinks all the things I think about right now in my life. I can claim I am righteous above 99% of the population for I’ve seen everyone around me do evil that I would never consider doing.  I can claim there is nothing wrong with me for all the rest are just plain screwed up through and through.

Job 38:2-3, above, refutes this mess.  God set the mechanics of creation, including the emotional, spiritual concepts.  He is the sole judge of my condition.  My salvation is completely dependent on me seeing myself His way and not because I finally understood through experience that I am worthy.  Left to my own judgment, I would never have come to Christ.  I had to see what He saw and then surrender to that vision.

“Have you commanded the morning since your days began, and caused the dawn to know its place, that it might take hold of the ends of the earth, and the wicked be shaken out of it?”

We are raised by the world to know without a doubt that we control our circumstances and can change them and that everything we hate about our state is our fault or someone else’s.  Advertisements say “get the new you” and “you deserve it.”  Propaganda says “believe in change” and “here’s who you can blame.”  Based on this, my weakness, my evil thoughts and my unjust actions are something I can change.  I can remove myself from the bad guy next to me and everything will be okay.

Job 38:12-13 above completely argues against this.  I do not have the right to blame me or others, nor can I simply drop what galls me and become something else.  God runs the show because He wrote the play and only He can change the characters as He sees fit.  We comply or fail to comply based on whether we choose to see things as He has told us to see them or not.

There’s a lot of emotion that boils up in every portion of our lives.  When we are hurt, emotion, feelings, pile up and tip the scales of our attitudes.  When we are weak, the same happens.  Just as importantly, when we are strong or are in good situations, our emotions, our feelings, rise with us.

It’s a good thing to have the feelings, for they are God-given.  They support our actions with the energy to continue when things are going well and warn us when things are not going so well.  But feelings are not the basis for our judgment of condition. Yesterday my little article said a lot that included feelings, and I wanted to address that important point further.

Even our feelings are subject to failure because our world is corrupt.  What we think about anything is skewed by our corrupted nature.  What I feel about you is potentially all wrong and what you feel about me is potentially just as wrong.  We cannot trust our emotions, our thoughts without safeguards.

Here, then, is the safeguard.  God has directed us how to approach good events and evil ones.  God has told us the value of our own wisdom and philosophy.

Proverbs 18:12

“Before destruction the heart of a man is haughty, and before honor is humility.”

Proverbs 18:17

“The first one to plead his cause seems right, until his neighbor comes and examines him.”

Proverbs 19:3

“The foolishness of a man twists his way, and his heart frets against the Lord.”

Proverbs 19:21

“There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless, the Lord’s counsel — that will stand.”

We don’t work on our own judgment.  We can’t.  But we do anyway.  This is why, many times, we need to shut up and take the Word for its word.  When God tells us that this is the way to do it, we must make the conscious decision to do just what He says and how, regardless of our own feelings about the subject.

When we fail, we take God’s opinion of the thing, not our own.  When we hate ourselves, we take up God’s position on our plight.  Yes, that seems impossible in almost every case, but it must be done.  We must, We Must, put ourselves to the side and choose to act as He would have us, as much as we do not want to.

NOTE:  By now, I believe I may appear exceedingly pretentious and high-and-mighty in my message.  In the back of my mind, that is what I’m feeling as well.  But I have consciously chosen to deny this pile of garbage sequence of feelings, because I have my Bible right in front of me and I am confident that I am coming from the viewpoint of the Lord and not of my own opinion.

Look at this verse:

Proverbs 20:22

“Do not say, ‘I will recompense evil’; wait for the Lord, and He will save you.”

We do not take action on our own judgment.  We take action on the Lord’s direction.  We wait for Him in all things.  We must, when faced with our own feelings, stop ourselves and consider what God has prescribed as proper view of the circumstances.

Many times those choices aren’t easy.  Many times we just can’t seem to bring ourselves to be emotionally attached to these Godly choices.  We can’t feel the motivation to pursue them.  That’s sin, still, putting out the final effort to keep us from turning from the old man.  We must, many times over, simply do that which we must do, regardless of how we feel about it.

Trust Him that through our cooperation with His viewpoint that He will bless us with the strength to comply and eventually even the understanding of His ways.

This, I believe, is the root of good works.  We rarely do good works out of a genuine desire that matches God’s desire.  We do them because we expect reward of some sort.  Better that we perform good works simply because our Master has told us to do so and trust that our reward (the only one that counts) is a closer walk with Him.

This applies to our character as much as our deeds.  We must unreservedly choose to act as God told us.  In truth, we cannot do better, for our corrupted nature prevents us ever being able to comply because it’s natural to do so.  We are holy because God declared us holy, not because of any innate ability to be so.

Ephesians 2:8-10

“For by grace have you been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.  For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.”

Our purpose is His purpose.  We do not set our own course, and that means our own opinions and convictions, on our own terms, are not valid.  He gives and takes away as He sees fit.  Our joy and misery are dependent on His point of view.

In other words, we should be joyful when we know His desires are being met.  We should be miserable when we know His desires are being resisted.

Here’s what repentance looks like to me, and I hope I will choose, consciously, to repeat this whenever I realize I have overstepped God’s point of view:

Job 42:2-6

“I know that You can do everything, and that no purpose of Yours can be withheld from You.

“You asked, ‘Who is this who hides counsel without knowledge?’

“Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.

“Listen, please, and let me speak; You said, ‘I will question you, and you shall answer Me.’

“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees You.

“Therefore I abhor myself and repent in dust and ashes.”

We pride ourselves on being logical, most of us. There are two routes for logic. One is right.

One is based on perception. “As I see it…”
The other is based on assuming Conception. “As He made it…”

I don’t know why, after almost twelve years of repetitive instruction, cajoling and discipline that the simplest of all practicalities like cleaning up a mess, taking a shower or wearing the right clothes cannot be accomplished.  Except that it may be that curse thing from several thousand years ago.  I do know that my parents were still forcing me to do stupid things up until the day I left home, and I still fail to do some of them sixteen years later

I don’t know why anger just won’t go away and that the feelings of inadequacy grow and grow no matter what steps are taken to combat them.  Except that it may be that we’re constantly deceived by what the world believes is competence and value; back to that curse thing from several thousand years ago.

I certainly don’t know why, no matter how much we do and no matter how many victories we experience, the feelings of being powerless, ineffective and the pain of futility infect our every waking moment.  Except maybe it’s because we are, all of us, just that: powerless, ineffective and wasted when by ourselves.  Back a few thousand years to another fact: we’re nothing on our own.

I am not writing this to justify or to bring myself down to a level where anyone can say “oh, he’s a miserable groveler too…” because I already am, just as the rest of us.  I don’t have less or more qualities than any other.  I have my personal, private failures and catastrophes that just won’t go away.  I fight them sometimes, pretend they’re not there sometimes, and even revel in them sometimes (yep, rebellion doesn’t stop with salvation, but it becomes one heckuva thorn in the side, that’s for sure).

The title?  I can’t trade for a newer model because there isn’t one.  God only made ONE model of person.  We are human 1.0.  We are not the alpha release or the beta.  We are the FINAL release.

I want the issued version I have not because it’s the one I was stuck with but because it is the one which works.  No other frame or color-scheme of human 1.0 will ever serve as my partner in this life.  I understand completely that the contract for this version is “as-is” and that there are inherent flaws in the version.  These flaws are not because of the design, however, but because of the monkey-wrench from Eden and the fact that every year, the world spins deeper into corruption and sin.  I know that my partner is just as screwed up as me, confused, impatient, weak, tired, angry and stubborn.  I know that my attempts to help are just as doomed to failure as those to help myself.

This is not because all things are worthless, but because I am not my own mountain to withstand the winds and scourges of time.  I am little, and must remain so, for if I was big, I would not glorify God in all that I do.  Even my desires can glorify God and if He sees fit to deny me any great success in my endeavors, He will still be quite accepting of the fact that I desire to do His will.  In fact, failure when attempting God’s tasking may well be His plan at the moment.  It sure seems that way sometimes.

I’ll take HIS word for it, and refrain from judging on my own, for I know beyond a shadow of doubt that my point of view is skewed.  I have no foundation inherent in me that makes me a capable judge of anything God has placed in motion.  I take HIS word for it because my logic and feelings have not a bit of the accuracy He has.

So I’ll stay in my Bible.  I’ll stick with my lame, imperfect, selfish prayers that just seem weak to me.  I’ll continue to encourage you with my apparently futile and nonsensical encouragement not because I think that over repetition that my efforts will make a difference, but because the Lord has listed those things as top trouble-shooting techniques in the Manual.

The Bible says “READ ME” and so I read and learn God’s intentions and explanations, though I often feel as though none of it makes a difference here-and-now.  The Bible says “PRAY” and so I tell the Lord everything and ask Him for everything though I often feel as though I’m unworthy to open my mouth.  The Bible says “LOVE” and so I will, though I always feel that my expressions of love are pure crap.  The Bible says none of these things are worthless, rather, that they are what we can do.

David prayed.  Job prayed.  Paul prayed.  They all reveled in the Word and studied it.  They all loved God and men with all they had.  They all felt miserable, hurt, weak, they were all the lowest of the low at more than one point in their lives.  But they did the duties anyway, and we know how they fared in God’s opinion.

God’s opinion is the only one that counts.  I am doing my best to maintain God’s opinion as my standard.  Therefore I will not, can not trade for a Newer Model because there is nothing that makes the current one worthless to me.  The design is perfect.

There was only one release of the rainbow.  There was only one release of the Ark.  They did just fine.  We’re going to be just fine, so long as we’re compliant with the designer’s standards of operation.

References: Genesis, Deuteronomy, Job, Psalms, Lamentations, Romans, 1st John

Additional imagery: Jars of Clay: “The Valley Song” and “Worlds Apart”

This is the title for Chapter 9 in my study Bible. The passage revisits all sorts of Israelite defiance.

Reading through this chapter reminds me of how I should look at my relationship with the Lord, how I should look at my sin and how I should see Christ and the Spirit as well.

“Do not think in your heart, after the Lord your God has cast them out before you, saying, ‘because of my righteousness the Lord has brought me in to possess this land” (9:4)

“Therefore understand that the Lord your God is not giving you this good land to possess because of your righteousness, for you are a stiff-necked people.” (9:6)

“You have been rebellious against the Lord from the day that I knew you.” (9:24)

The philosophies we are fed today concerning sin are most often concerned with “feeling good” or “self esteem” and mislead us into brushing off our unrighteousness as a condition that is “just part of the facts of life.” We are told (usually not in clear terms, of course) that avoiding our sinful past and glossing over our failures is the point of being Christian. We become convinced that the past is actually forgotten, not just forgiven, but erased.  There’s a major problem with this, though, if you consider the thoughts below:  What happens to people who buy this bunk that everything is erased, yet still have to face the reminder of sin in their past?

In some ways, this wipe-out thing sounds really good. But it sure doesn’t seem to fit what the Bible says. There isn’t a passage I’ve ever read that says everything is just “gone” when we get saved. There are hundreds of passages about forgiveness, seeking it regularly, and even more about work, failure, suffering, pleading, praying, feelings of inadequacy, unworthiness, dirt and plain old misery.  There’s plenty of material written on “progressive sanctification” that all clearly states that our lives are not completely purged of all hint of evil at the moment of our belief.

I hate the times when past sins come back to haunt me. I still get those hackle-raising, embarrassed-flush sensations when I remember what I did with that book long ago, or the candy-bar episode at camp, or that event with that one friend. Remembering some of the insanely sinful activities in my pagan phase causes serious pain sometimes. I wish those memories would get swiped with the magnetic disc destroyer.

But they aren’t going anywhere. And, believe it or not, I think it’s better that way.

I have to be humbled. I must be reminded of my failures. The Lord has blessed me with a bittersweet gift that hurts more often than comforts.

But, like Israel, I don’t rate kindness and fuzzy-faith-facials. I can’t cover up what I was (what I AM). Neither internally nor externally can I pretend that nothing ever happened just because I’m forgiven. Just because I am forgiven doesn’t mean that I won’t return to my old defiance.

Note here: I am not supposing that it is right to dwell on all those past actions or make some sort of repetitive atonement for them. Past sins are covered by the blood of Christ once and for all, and the flashbacks are not indications that we have to revisit forgiveness.  If I seek forgiveness and repent from my sin, that is it, there is not a reflash-watch set to remind me that, oh, say six months from now I have to reset the forgiveness for that particular sin.

This blessing of memory has a practical application. If I am reminded of that which I am capable, in the humbling (sack-cloth and ashes humbling), I don’t get the chance to derail into oblivious false joy in my life.

I am to take joy in:
What Christ Did For Me and in My Relationship With God and that One Day I Will Be Free From This Sinful Condition

The Israelites needed to be kept from reaching the conclusion that the Promised Land had anything to do with their current state of righteousness.  It had nothing to do with their righteousness, but with God’s decision that the people were  His chosen children.  Heaven, my sanctification, my status here-now as a Christian have nothing to do with my righteousness, but everything to do with God’s choice to add me to the Book of Life.  Christ died for me, for all those who come to Him for restoration not because there’s some figure of merit within us that makes us worthy, but simply because we are His creation, His choice and His personal preference.

The periodic review of my screwups, keeping in mind the important fact that Every Single One of them was direct rebellion against the Father, is the most effective prod to keep me in line.  The passages below support the idea that there’s no glossing over my condition and that things aren’t just peachy yet.

We need a mediator still.  We need someone who can speak for us about us to the Father.  We’re not qualified, even if we’re great, high-performance Christians.  The Holy Spirit and Christ have the requisite position to keep the Father from shutting down the factory.  We, the helpless and unworthy, must bow to His mercy as we accept His grace.

Romans 8:26-27 portrays the Spirit as a mediator.

“Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.”

Christ is the High Priest and Mediator in Hebrews 9:11-15.

“But Christ came as High Priest of the good things to come, with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption…”

A good take away from this: Sin is not just an activity to be avoided.  Sin is a condition that must be fought against.  As the military studies wars from long ago, we too must understand what sin in history really means.  Starting with how sin impacted the very first humans, how it affected the Jews on their approach to Canaan, how it resulted in Christ’s grisly death and how it will ultimately see the destruction of the world.  Seeing the power and impact of sin, both in the Scriptures and in our personal lives is a course of study that, while painful and tough to face, is very important.  It’s called hamartiology, if you want the fancy term, and there’s a lot to know.

I must admit that Deuteronomy really has been a good project to read and write on, for I have discovered quite a lot of important facts that apply to my life right here (duh, how surprising) in light of the Israelites. This is not just a book of the Law. It’s much more and I encourage anyone who wants to learn more about all this stuff to read the book, carefully and methodically (read: SLOW, SMALL CHUNKS, THINK and PRAY LOTS).

uestion to provoke thought:  Why is it that every few sections in this book, there are repetitive statements of promised benefits for obedience?  Specifically, have you noticed all the statements that contain “that it may be well with you,” are peppered all over Deuteronomy?  This isn’t really so much a question as an observation that I think is rather important.

God is telling Israel over and over again, “Don’t do this, Do that.”  And, “If you do, it will be well with you.”  And God is constantly giving to the Israelites, all through the book.  Just in this passage alone, there are a bunch of gifts, commands, conditions and promises for the People.

“So it shall be, when the Lord your God brings you into the land of which He swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give you large and beautiful cities, which you did not build, houses full of all good things, which you did not fill, hewn-out wells which you did not dig, vineyards and olive trees which you did not plant — when you have eaten and are full — then beware, lest you forget the Lord who brought you out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage.  You shall fear the Lord your God and serve Him, and shall take oaths in His name.” — 10-13

There was a ton of giving in that last bit.  And pretty clear warning for just the appropriate time, too.  When do we forget our Lord?  When we’re fat, dumb and happy.  Too busy enjoying ourselves to be bothered to pay God His due, we waste away our time in enjoying His creation without including Him.  Sure, God made everything and told us to enjoy.  It says so right here on the box, right?  Yeah, but He made us for His glorification.  One doesn’t work without the other.

“You shall not tempt the Lord your God as you tempted Him in Massah.  you shall diligently keep the commandments of the Lord your God, His testimonies, and His statutes which He has commanded you.  And you shall do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord, that it may be well with you, and that you may go in and possess the good land of which the Lord swore to your fathers, to cast out all your enemies from before you, as the Lord has spoken.” –16-19

There’s the “be well” bit right there.  But what more?  Note the “right and good” statement.  Taken in context, we are not commanded simply to do what is right and good.  Note this.  Here’s where many, many of us go wrong, not because we don’t understand this passage, but because we don’t think about it in the first place.  The command here is “Do what is right and good in the sight of the Lord.”  How many times have we worried about what’s “right” or “good” in the sight of the world?  And how many times have we held our hands from doing what looks wrong to the world when we knew durned well that it was absolutely right and good in God’s will?

Let’s just chase this rabbit for a moment.  Discipline;  Dirty word in our society.  We daren’t “discipline” our children in public.  We certainly cannot lift ourselves up so high as to bring correction to a fellow worker or even a subordinate.  If someone is doing wrong, we often find ourselves with tied hands (half the time of our own choice), unable to do anything about it.  And I am willing to bet — no, strike that — I’m willing make that oath mentioned in verse 13, that if we are doing what is right in God’s sight, and it is in His will, His guidance, His Word that we are supposed to be “hard” or “tough” or chastising or “mean” as the world views it, then He’s going to back us.

Look at what Chapter 7 says.  Look at all the MEAN things, CRUEL and WASTEFUL and HORRID things that God told the People to do with Canaan’s 7 nations. That’s what the world would call them.  That’s what the politicians would call it if the US did that with all the places in which we are fighting today.  But God’s view is NOT the world’s view and therefore when He told the Israelites to move in, sans mercy, efficiency or economy, He was right when He said it, They were right when they did it, and we are right when we tell it (as directed in verses 20-25).  We have to get this through our thick skulls that if God says it’s so, then  It.   Is.   SO.  No arguments.

Which brings me to one of my favorite thoughts on being a Christian, on having the Bible.

6:20-25 “When your son asks you in time to come, saying, ‘What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you?’  Then you shall say to your son:  ‘We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt and the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand; and the Lord showed signs and wonders before our eyes, great and severe, against Egypt, Pharaoh, and all his household.  Then He brought us out from there, that He might bring us in, to give us the land of which He swore to our fathers.  And the Lord commanded us to observe all these statutes, to fear the Lord our God, for our good always, that He might preserve us alive, as it is this day.  Then it will be righteousness for us, if we are careful to observe all these commandments before the Lord our God, as He has commanded us.’”

We, Christians, are the recipients of The Greatest Story Ever Told.  It’s filled with all the best types of literature, it’s all true, it’s all fantastic, miraculous, fascinating and it’s real.  We have THE legacy.  Not a legacy, but THE legacy.  I love that.  I’m a fantasy nut, loving those high-adventure stories and majestic images and all that.  The Bible leaves them all so far behind that it may as well be none of my other favorite books need have been written in the first place.

It’s not just the children of the Israelites who need to hear the meaning of all this.  It’s us, it’s our children.  They need to hear the coolest story, the Only True Story that really counts.  They SHOULD hear what happened here to Israel, because every single day of their lives is so very similar to the challenges, the commands and the temptations the People faced.

We are tempted to have mercy on the sins here in our lives and in others’ lives.  We are tempted to marry into the enemy’s hands.  We are tempted to return to the captivity from which God delivered us.  We constantly build golden images and fall on our faces before them.

And God constantly promises us blessings for perseverance, punishment for giving in, constant molding and shaping to fit us to His image and trimming and pruning most painfully to get the dead parts of us off.

But look at the story.  It’s so true and so relevant.  If you think the Bible is outdated, that the bronze and iron-age fables in the OT and NT are just too antiquated to be of use, read ‘em again in light of the blessings God has given you personally and in light of the sin God wants you to fight personally.  What a few thousand Jews faced thousands of years ago, in comparison to what one of us faces today, is really quite similar, I think.  At least as far as God, His Commandments, His Promises and His Point of View are concerned.  The Bible is also not just True or Eternal, it is PERSONAL.  It is the roadmap to salvation, to Eternity, to restoration.

Boiled down.  I think I need to, and most everyone I know needs to as well, concentrate constantly on what God’s view of things really is.  Actions and attitudes the world percieves as wrong, is not accurate nine-times-out-of-ten, according to God’s Revelation of Himself.  The converse, what the world says is right, is also inaccurate just as often. And it’s because they don’t believe this story is true.  We have to separate ourselves from the world’s viewpoint.  We need to take God’s promises as truth, we need to look through the clear glass of His window into the world, rather than the funky cool shades with which we were born.  It’s not cool to be cool when God says it’s not cool.