Thinking about contentment and peace in my heart.  Challies had a well crafted discussion of the topic today at his website.  The whole idea has more to it than choosing to be at peace with things or to choosing battles, selectively avoiding stuff that disrupts our contentment in Christ.

Experience tells me that the flow inward will directly affect my contentment and peace.  Just as what I put in my mouth affects what comes out, so does that same food affect my internal state.  What I put in my mind and heart affects the attitude and mental state of me as well as what comes out of my mouth.  Contentment produces contented actions and words.  Things that make contentment must be taken in order to get or maintain contentment.

But that’s all in the Bible too, well before my limited learning could apprehend this gem of an idea.

A quick run through the engine at www.BibleGateway.com gave me some examples of this in and out stuff:

Job 20.

Proverbs 10:14

The wise lay up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool brings ruin near.

Proverbs 10:31

The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom, but the perverse tongue will be cut off.

1 Corinthians 6:13 says:

“Food is meant for the stomach and the stomach for food”—and God will destroy both one and the other. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

So what I really need is more Romans 12:1&2

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I need to keep a steady flow of the Godly into me in order to combat the fear, the confusion, the disturbance, the misery, the hopelessness that surrounds me.

I’ve always stuck to the rule that good food doesn’t have to just be healthy.  There’s a real goodness to food that makes you feel good.  Even if it’s well below the level of good for you, and borderline bad for you, it can be good.  Take the Double Whopper With Cheese from BK.

This is way bad for you.  Greasebomb cholesterolpill 3-days-of-calorie-rations nastiness.  But when I get sick, tired and worn-out with a cold or other booger-hacking-slimy affliction, one of these and a gallon of orange juice serves to set me just right. I might not get healthier because of the non-nutrients this food is giving me, but it improves my mood and outlook significantly.  The DWWCfBK is better than a Tylenol and a nap.

How much more effective in our spirits is the Word and Prayer and Worship and Fellowship.  They are just the right nutrient-filled, tasty treat to banish our fretting and malcontent.  You can’t live off these things (well, except for the fellowship part, if you go to the right church), but I tell you, you can LIVE off these things.  In the last few weeks, I’ve started leaning back toward them, taking more and more in, slowly increasing the dosage and man, I can’t seem to understand why it is that I ever back off these good things!

And you can’t live without them.  A man without the water of life flowing through him is a dried up shell.  There’s no point to being a Christian if you’re not being one.  What a waste.

So turn off the gunk and put on the Gospel.  Put away the pulp and pick up the pulpit.  Dump the despair and decide on devotion.

Newsboys sing about it.  They’re not old fuddy-duddies from the turn of the century.

Jars of Clay sing about it too.  Ditto.

Oh, wait.  That is an old song.  But wait!  It’s cool, cause J.O.C. sings it!

Nobody can say our Christian culture is behind the times and there’s no relevant way to compete with the garbage that’s out there.  Say you need something better than

Blah.  Enough pandering to the masses.  The Bible, with all its GLORIOUS conservative, single-minded, absolute, timeless, beautiful, convicting, unfaltering, unforgiving, forgiving, loving, exclusive, intolerant, sacred, one-of-a-kind message is more than enough, tons more than enough for the sickness inside.  It’s gonna teach you contentment that no burger, no beer, no hit, no therapy, no home-run, no sabbatical will get you God.

The Bible with the escorts and vanguard of the great writers and singers and bands and artists that believe the BIBLE is true and right and that the ONLY way to the Father is through the Son, is all we need.  Fooey on the rest.

So I’m content.

More of the Chuck Colson I heard this week on the Focus On The Family radio broadcast.  Marines during the Vietnam war spent countless hours training every day to be able to fight and survive Over There.

Why don’t Christians, who have so much more to lose, to gain, even come close to that sort of preparation for combat?  I thought the same way when I was a Newbie to the faith.   I’ve distressingly slacked off on my PT and combat conditioning as a Christian since.  I absolutely must (and want) to get that back.

Also, an alarming thing that has been around a while, but is sparked by not just the Colson this week, but with Anika’s history course in college (her term paper) and a bunch of other stuff, including a sudden, rather interesting resurfacing at work of my writing from last year.

Truth.  We still have a massive problem with truth.  Apparently, over 50% of christians cannot grasp or commit to the concept of True Truth, of absolute truth.

Let me make this clear, any denial of absolute truth, the existence of such or the questioning of such in regards to the Bible, is a denial of the Gospel.  Introduce one speck of doubt that the Word of God is true and what follows is denial of the Gospel.  One can claim not to understand certain parts all day long.  One can be in sin, sad and in confusion about Biblical principles or whatever.

But if a christian claims to believe the Gospel, on the name of Jesus Christ (John 3:16), and says there are parts of the Bible that may not be true, or that they just can’t believe in absolute truth, that person is seriously WRONG.  Here is where rubber meets the road.

Allowing the Bible to have non-absolute truth is what has brought the Episcopal church in America to the swine-pens.  It is what has made good churches flop to eating peelings and offal with the animals.  It is what has led to the tarnishing of the name of God in the eyes of the world.

Lemme say, I’ve read over and over and I believe whole-heartedly that humans need boundaries.  We must have concretes and absolutes.  Kids must have their boundaries or they will face horrid challenges as adults to conform, to perform, to meet the face of their peers, cohorts and enemies and deal properly with each.  Adults must have the same.  I see the lack of boundaries and absolutes in the Navy as The One Most Devastating cause of morale and discipline failures we have today.

Absolute truth, concretes, laws (not the ones passed in the USG, but those which really are RULES) must exist, must be comprehended and must be committed to by the superiors and the subordinates in all places of our society.  There is no exception to the church or to individual christians.  Period.  In fact, I am certain that it is actually EXCEPTIONALLY true about Christ’s house and inhabitants.  We are the salt and light, and our projection upon the earth is that of God’s Absolute Authority over our lives, those outside God’s family and all of creation.  Period.

Colson said this problem is why so many are turning to Islam, because it is a source of concrete rules, of doctrine where the adherent is required (REQUIRED) to follow the rules.  Period.

SHAME on me.  Shame on us.  Shame on us for not following God’s rules, his directions throughout our lives.  Double shame on us in handling his word as a business manual for making our own names big and our pocketbooks fatter.  TRIPLE shame on us who deny that God’s testimony of himself could even possibly, even minutely unimportantly, be questionable.

If I don’t agree with the Bible, saying it is wrong in this place or that part, I am wrong, not the Bible.  Be my argument the handling of sex and relationships, I am on the losing end.  If my argument is health and wealth being mine and not at the sole discretion of my God in his unwavering will, I am at fault.  If I want to chill out with a cold one and a smoke and talk about the hot chicks at work for hours, giving up the chance to go to worship and renew my walk with my fellow christians in the race that we all swore we’d begin and complete without reserve, and I argue that the Bible has given me that freedom now, for I am free…  I’m wrong there too.

And I’ve done them all.  All three listed and plenty others.  Some still hurt, the miserable, sinful, horridness of my choices AS A PROFESSING CHRISTIAN and I shudder to recall them.  I am forgiven, but the chills remain, an inescapable cross that casts its shadow on my face, reminding me of how much argument with my God costs.  I still haven’t finished dealing with some of it.  Some of my sins’ shadows are going to come knocking here eventually,  and there’s really nothing I can do but wait for the color to show and seek the restitution as it becomes possible.

All that simply means that personal defiance, denial, departure in regards to God’s Word is the stuff of nightmares.  It’s death to testimony, death to ministry, to fellowship, to witness, you name it.  It might not destroy your salvation, which God has fore-ordained and pre-paid from before time and through Christ’s sacrifice for the death penalty, but it can render us with empty pockets and bare feet when we come home to him, asking in our groveling shame to be numbered among the lowest servants.

Worthiness to be called sons of God includes living up to the terms of adoption.  We enter a new house, we fall under its rules.  Children grow up under a set of rules in their homes.  If ever they return to their childhood home, the rules, I would think, would still be there.  We owe Our Lord that commitment, that very signature-in-blood-oath that is our own fundamental, unshakeable, absolute truth:  Obedience and belief.

Walking the fence?  Peril.  If you fall off, you’ll hit hard on either side.  There’s your ground truth.

There was a prayer opening the services today, preceded by a psalm, which was also a prayer.  I forgot which one it was.  So in looking around, I found another one.

Psalm 27

“The Lord is my light and my salvation
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.
One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me , and answer me.
When you said, “Seek My face,”
My heart said to you, “Your face, Lord, I will seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.
Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!”

A thought crossed my mind in hearing the one this morning and again during this one.  It is kind of silly but not. The good poetry about the Lord is already taken. I fail to find within me the absolute completeness and beauty of the poetry in the Bible. I realize that my content in my life reflects so little of that perfection of poetry in the Word of God.

I’m more like Rahab, or the tax collector, or like any number of others whose faith is there, but started out with that black eye of being an outsider, an outcast, a harlot, a cheat and a thief. It’s a dark and miserable place in which I find myself.  I try to imagine the trials of faith and confidence and acceptance (SELF acceptance, a phenomenon that though others may include you with all honor and love in their community, the SELF will not allow you to completely give your all back because it refuses to believe that truth of that community’s embrace) that these people suffered throughout the extent of their saved, God-fearing lives.  I know I’m not alone here, but I haven’t read too many out there who want to discuss this mess.

But these psalms, like all the rest of the Bible, are true truth (Francis Schaeffer used truth with a T; Truth). I put my faith in Him and He will preserve me. I put my desires in Him and He will fulfill me. I put my needs in Him and He will sustain me.

There is nothing God has not done or will not have done in my life.  This might sound like a rather weightless statement, but it makes sense to me.  God is everywhere in time, so what He will do is what He will have done, if that drift is gettable.  He’s got me laid out from start to finish and my course isn’t my worry.

So my Want-Needs must be communicated to Him, but not so much for His benefit, but for my own, that I might ensure they are aligned to His will.  And I have what looks like a Huge list for Him from my perspective.  Each one of these seems to contain a lifetime of needs and requests and patience and endurance.

I have a Wife.

I have 4 daughters.

I have a church.

I have a pastor.

I have a Mom and Dad.

I have siblings, their spouses, their kids.

I have people who work for me.

I have people for whom I work.

I have friends.

I count almost all of these as blessings almost all the time.  But they are all intimately involved in my needs and wants.  They all present problems for me and they all extract from me fears and reactions and mistakes and everything else that is in me, whether good or bad.

I have no lack of needs.  And I have no great confidence in Him who meets my needs.  I guess this is where my innate pragmatism comes in… I can shut all that off, most of the time, and turn on the Believe Switch, which closely resembles cruise-control on my car.  Relinquishing controls isn’t what is hard for me; it’s the worry about what’s going on that I can’t control that kills me.  But if I can’t hack it, I have to give it up to the Lord, whether I’m feeling the faith or not.

This is all rather mishy-mushy and I can’t really encapsulate it in this outside-face forum.  Suffice to say I can and Must put my faith…

“Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.”

So today I think I’m going to talk about issues of the heart.  All of them, maybe.  One at a time.  Easy enough?  Here goes (I’ll start off complex and work my way progressively to more simple stuff):

A boss today essentially told me I needed to straighten up my act.  There’s a guy who works for me that has serious problems with authority.  He is a classic case of aggressive-passive (intentional wording).  Given a task, he will comply to the very minimum requirements of the task and grumble, back-bite, whine, blame and whatever-else-can-issue-from-the-mouth to the very maximum tolerance of his surroundings without actually crossing the line into blatant defiance.  And he cares not a whit for who hears him or observes it.  But this whole thing isn’t about him.  It’s about me.  The boss said I shouldn’t take that from him.  He said I really need to ratchet down on my little problem-child and basically tell him to put up or shut up.

The boss is right.  And I agreed with him.  As explanation (as opposed to excuse), I said I’d never really run into this type of character at work before and I wasn’t sure what buttons I could push to start getting through to him.  I’ve been in a lot (I think, A Lot) of odd situations with odd circumstances and a broad variety of characters, but honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been saddled with this type of total butt-pain.  So I’ve never really had to use the #9 boot calibration method, which is required in this situation.

The boss said “You wouldn’t let this kind of garbage go on at home with your kids, right?”  To which I obviously had to say, “Of course not.”  And that, of course, gave me pause and I really had to think.  Would I?

It’s two different situations.  I’ve spent my life with my kids and 13 years with my Wife.  I think I know how to diffuse, control, stop, bypass and deal with this sort of mess at home.  And I enjoy an authority and influence at home that I certainly do not possess at work.  So he’s right.  I wouldn’t let that go on in my own home.

At work, I’m in a different situation (keep with me here, it’ll make sense).  I’m experientially subordinate to the people who work for me.  They’ve been in the specific field we work in for a dedicated 3 years wherein I’ve been at it for less that 6 months.  They’re well acquainted with each other and the majority of the other workers in the environment.  I am not.  They have become set in their routine, methods and practice.  I am not part of that.  All of this combines to make a battlefield in which I am at serious disadvantage.  I don’t really know the lay of the land.  The enemy is thoroughly entrenched and they know the ranges, weather, terrain and maneuvers to get what they want done.

Bullshit.  If a guy consistently cusses you out behind your back and essentially tells you where you can stuff it, even if he ultimately complies with orders, he is an insubordinate failure.  And you have allowed him to fail.  Point one to God’s law.  As leader, I am responsible.

If someone persistently offends, practicing unacceptable practices, hurts others, leads the progression of others’ growing skills in the same negative behavior, then that person is a failure.  And you have allowed him to fail.  Point one to God’s law.  As leader, I am responsible.

It’s a matter of the heart.  I’ve a better grasp and performance rating in this leadership process at home.  While nowhere perfect at it, I strive as patiently and enduringly as I can to battle uprisings of bad attitudes, hurtful actions, fighting, backbiting and general monstrocity daily.  And I am as relentless as I can be.

I have not taken that integrity, ethic, standard to work with me.  Because I am afraid.  Because I’m dealing with people with whom I’m not intimate and with whom I’m not familiar.  So I err on the side of weakness, avoiding conflict with the problems because I want to be liked.  Because I want work to be good.  O do I want the work to be good.  But instead I hate my job.  I spend no little amount of time hating myself because of what I do (rather, don’t do) at work.

I have not kept my faith in my God in focus.  I faith myself to death at home.  Praying doggedly for my family in general and in specifics.  I push my kids’ buttons with as much strength as I can to get them as sin-free as I can, knowing each time that success is of God and not of me.

But I don’t do that at work.  I change faces at work.  And the face I have is not particularly admirable.

Simple bit:  It’s of the heart.  I’m not sick.  It is not the fault of the jerk at work.  It is not the environment at work.  It’s not the lack of fulfillment at work.  It’s not stress at home making my work wrong.  It’s me.  Me resisting the pulls of the Spirit to pursue God’s ways at work.  I have let the World work a weak spot of corrosion in my character.

It’s of the heart when you’re dealing with a liar.  It’s of the heart when you have a deep depression.  It’s of the heart when you’re battling someone who just. won’t. listen.  It’s of the heart when you can’t seem to give up this or that.

Yes, physical conditions, the environment, other people, the weather, body-odor can all contribute to aggravate a problem.  But the real root is just that, the heart.

We’ve been studying in Romans at church.  We read in Chapter 1 how things suck so bad that if we really grasped the depth of the problem, we’d probably all just curl up into little balls and wait for the meteor to obliterate us.

Romans 1:28,

“And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness, full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.”

Simple.  31 flavors.  One for everyone.  Pick.  I have most of them in my toolbox.

Simplest:  Just in case anybody didn’t see their personal colors in 1:28, here’s the catch-all:

Romans 3:10 (and Psalm 14:1-3)

“As it is written:  ‘There is none righteous, no, not one;’”

We’re messed up.  It’s in the heart.  Can’t blame it on the rain.

Now how does it apply to the current theme here on my little blog?  Healing?  Look.  I am aware of the physical problems.  I know about medications now, and clinical diagnoses and everything.  I may not know everything, but I know way more than I really want to know now.  I’ve done research and see the light.  There’s no denying a physiological and environmental part, huge part, in all this trial.  But in the end, should all those things be cured…

It’s still in the heart.

And that’s what I’m praying for most of all.  That He’ll put us all in the way of fixing her heart.  He’ll do it, I’m sure.  I just want the joy of being a part of that miracle.  And I want it more than I want to fix the thing at work.

But, I think, as I’ve said and have been told a million times before:  If you can’t be trusted in the little things, how can you make it in the big time?

Parable of the Talents, Matthew 25:14-30.  Look it up.  I did.

I’ve had so many struggles with how all this works.  How can we lose all motivation to go, to do?  How can there be no ability to even be pragmatic, to Do things just because they need doing?  I still don’t completely grasp this idea, probably because I haven’t experienced it in my life.  But I know that monster exists, the evil Gave-up Monster that takes away desire and motivation.  The monster that encourages its own existence by stifling and seeking out all possible help to maintain its position.  I see it attacking all the time.

I know there are tactics to fight.  Unfortunately, one of those isn’t a good one, though it has good intentions.  Throwing Scripture around as a mantra, repeating and repeating, has been advertised to us as a means to battle this sickness.  Romans 8:28 is a classic, repeated as if a spell to be cast that will resolve all trials.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

Yep, the verse is sound truth.  It has been proven over and over that God has lived up to this statement.  But it isn’t a cure-all.  It doesn’t work, just repeating it.

The answer is not simple repetition, in my experience.  I would rather live by the rules in Romans 12, which lead me to Philippians 2.

Romans 12:1-2 (ESV)

“I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Philippians 2:12-18 (ESV)

“Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now, not only as in my presence but much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain. Even if I am to be poured out as a drink offering upon the sacrificial offering of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. Likewise you also should be glad and rejoice with me.”

Thanks to a really good conversation with my brother today, I got this sort of solidified in my mind.  I’ve thought about it all and tried to practice it, but sometimes putting it to the test of discussion, putting it in my own words really makes it tangible.

So today is application for me, not just in pursuit of the cure.  I must take my steps in the Word, and when I can’t grasp a concept or give up a sin or commit to a Godly quality, I must take God’s word, wrangle over it, daily if necessary, to break through the barrier that prevents me from approaching Him.

Baby steps, as the pastor told my beloved last week, are what it takes.  Same for me.  Maybe I don’t suffer from the DeMotivation Give-Up Monster’s presence, but my faults demand the same therapy.  I have to work moment-by-moment to resolve my salvation.  Progressive sanctification isn’t anything more than a walk.  It’s not just any walk, though, but consists of a crippled, broken man who is self-centered, miserable and lacking in faith, who stumbles and gets lost along the way.

An aside, but still pertinent:  So many people live in fear.  I think it’s horrible.  This is the fear I’d like to live with, and ideally the only one that is valid.  If I don’t get something the Bible has said, if I don’t understand my own position before the Lord on a given issue, that is when I should have fear.  Working out my salvation with fear and trembling means just this:  When I’m in a position to be wrong, I should be afraid, afraid enough to want to chase that resolution to ground.  If I’m set up to do wrong, I need to remember that I am at risk of being opposed to my God.  That alone should be cause for fear and trembling.  Nothing the world has to offer should be able to cause fear that comes close to this.

Just as with my driving, as I have to constantly check the map in order to keep my car going in the right direction (I could use a GPS), I need to check, persistently, the directions from the Bible, for nothing else will get me to the next hill or mountain top.  Nothing else can get me through these valleys and ravines.

Jars of Clay

The Valley Song (Sing of Your Mercy)

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
on a back bruised, nearly broken
I’m crying out to You

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

when death, like a gypsy
comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face
but I fear You aren’t listening
because there are no words
just the stillness
and the hunger
for a faith that assures

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy

alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

while we wait for rescue
with our eyes tightly shut
face to the ground using our hands
to cover the fatal cut
though the pain is an ocean
tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
higher mountains have come down

I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
I will sing of Your mercy
that leads me through valleys of sorrow
to rivers of joy
alleluia, alleluia
alleluia, alleluia

Pastor Rob said he’s been there. Said it’s like you’re at the bottom of a very deep well. And it’s dark. But there’s a light all the way up at the top. And we’re up there. Looking down. Holding a rope. And God is up there too. And with you. And He’s holding the rope.

All we’re waiting for is for you to grab the rope. Let us, let Him, pull you up.

You have to choose to hold the rope.

Matthew 11:25-30
At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will. All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

This is the day our church pastors prayed for my Beloved. I prayed too. So we can begin the count of moments until our Lord brings her back to us.

Grab the rope, Beloved.

Just my quick thought for the day.

Fellowship

We’re supposed to be accountable.  To God, to each other.

Transparency promotes accountability.

Honesty is integral to transparency.

Communication is required for honesty.

If nobody knows me, my take, my situation, none of these conditions or states exists.

So if I keep my mouth shut, there is no Fellowship in my life.

Then nobody knows me.

God does, but God doesn’t seems to like one-way streets.

How do I know Him if I don’t have accountransparonestability right here in me?  He’s got a thing for Christians being together, working together.  God doesn’t call us to be the soloist all the time.  Rarely, if ever, are we required to be truly alone.  I’ve never been alone.  Not really (though my little voice-from-the-back-of-the-room seems to have the perverse idea that I am, but I’m constantly striving to ignore it).

So I talk.  Sometimes they (They, haha) say too I say too much.  So I say what is here in my mind.  I try to communicate my failure.  I try to communicate my success.  Things I think I’m doing right and doing wrong.

Of the things in my heart and mind, I rarely offer but a small sample.  I realize that to battle the tendency to insulate and hide, I must persist in my attempts to be transparent.  I must persist in making sure my loved ones, my brothers know me.  One small step at a time, revealing my shadows pixel by pixel, is called progress.

I can’t be helped, I can’t be encouraged, I can’t be corrected unless I open my door and let people see my living room.  And my bedroom, and my bathroom, and my closet, and my storage shed.

And, finally, my secret sanctum, that trap door just large enough to admit me, just a Robert-shaped keyhole that nobody else fits.  But that place is not truly a sanctum.  It is that place of torture wherein I relive my failures, store my potential in mothballs and rust; a dust-layered bomb-shelter outfitted with little more than a pallet, chains and reams of moldering papers and half-faded pictures.

And honesty starts by realizing that I have all this.  Transparency starts by widening the aperture that grants access.  Accountability starts by pushing some of that secret archive out into the sunlight.

Weakness pales in the light of the Son.  Shadows fade in the light of the Son.  Words fail in the light of the Son.

I need, I fear, I believe, I fall-have fallen, I trust, I run, I collapse, I lose, I plead, I barely breathe.

Yet I live, for He lives.

Stained glass hides the real insides.

This whole chapter is about obedience, but I am thinking most on the passage from verse 17-26 in particular.

Lots of darkness has been looming these past few weeks.  I am thinking all the time of what good words I can craft together to make wise and encouraging statements to all my suffering loved ones.  What has held me back? How come this blog and the email fog haven’t been stuffed with my prayers and thoughts?  I have a low level of confidence right now, I think, primarily due to an overwhelming sense that I just don’t have the connection to or the right amount of personal importance to say much.

What’s that mean?  First off, I just don’t comprehend some of the trials that are around me.  I can’t wrap my head around things like depression and misery that attacks so many of us.  I’m sure I suffer from mild forms of it from time to time, but I don’t feel like I have experienced it or understand it well enough to be able to be of any value.  In response to the heartache all around, what I have to offer is prayer.  I’m sure I don’t know what more to do.  So often, I come across as preachy (or at least think I do), and “holier-than-thou” in my words.  It’s never my intent, but happens anyway.

I could send cards all over the world.  Pretty Hallmark junk with smarmy gook that really means nothing.  I could type up long letters of “I love you I love you I love you…” but that just doesn’t make much sense to me either.  I figure whatever I do would potentially evolve into a self-deprecation episode just to make the recipient feel better because they’re not as bad off as me.  “If my misery is worse than your misery, then you must be okay, right?”  Believe me, I’ve done that plenty of times before, and it’s downright stupid (as well as lying both to myself and others).

And this little article is just rambling along.  I’m trying to get into a groove that will open up what I want to say.  Not sure if that’ll happen.

Look, if you’re down and you’re in the dark; if all that seems worthwhile is worthless, if the things that drive you just took you off the pavement and into the brush, it just doesn’t seem of any value for me to remind you that I love you, that I’m thinking of you, that I’m praying for you.  Many of us are all praying for each other.  Many of us are thinking of all the ways we might be able to encourage each other.  And we all either goof up the attempts or give up on them before the attempts are even made.  When the chips are down, the crowd scatters, apparently.

Here’s what keeps me going when I’m battling sin or loneliness or whatever else burdens me here.  It’s a roller-coaster battle here in FarFar Away, with good days and rotten ones.  I remember the claims in the Word here, like this one:

“If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’  you shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember well what the Lord your God did to pharaoh and to all Egypt:  the great trials which your eyes saw, the signs and the wonders, the mighty hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out.”

He did for them and promised the same to us.

In short, the whole of chapter 7 can be summed in a little bitty memo-sized comment:

• FROM: God
• TO: You
• SUBJECT: Stopped by while you were out of the office.

• OBEY.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  I ALREADY DEMONSTRATED WHAT I’LL DO FOR YOU TO PROTECT AND HOLD YOU UP.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  OBEY.
• ACTION:  Please Return Call

I can’t stress enough the things that I hold most valuable in this little life of mine.  I am not very good at keeping them in front of me, but they tend to serve in a crisis:

1.  Material things are junk.  Enjoy them.  Despise them.  Be responsible how you use them.  Whatever you like as long as they don’t interfere with your relationship with the Master.  They’re gifts from Him, not replacements for Him.  YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU.  I always WANT things.  I always want BETTER things.  I always do BETTER when I stop WANTING things.  There are few things I should want.  Take all the crust and toppings away and here’s what I want:   MY HEALTH, MY FAMILY, MY GOD.  All the colorful bits swirling around me distract me from this simple list of three things.

2.  When crisis hits, there is only one way out.  A Christian knows what this out is.  Do it.  There is always a Godly choice, and to choose anything else is going to end up likely worsening the whole thing.  Even if the Godly route is WAIT, there is one, and it’s there.  I don’t do well with this unless it’s a real big problem.  Little ones are just as important, but I have the faulty habit of cruising along until I get into neck-deep hoo-hoo before looking to God for the answers  Literally, when the pain begins, I must drop the toys I’m holding and run for the hills wherein the Lord’s will awaits.

In Matthew 4:18-20, Jesus enlists His first disciples.  They drop EVERYTHING when He calls them.  No grabbing the keys or loose change.  No quick donning of overcoats or looking for the cellphone.  They up and left, lit a shuck, DESERTED their immediate activities to follow Him.  They were called to a lifetime of service, and see where it led them?  We are called to do the same thing.  Every day we are called.  In this material world, it’s like every morning is the same scenario that happened ONCE for the first disciples.  We’re at our business, oblivious to everything when suddenly Christ calls us up, and, like Groundhog Day, it happens OVER and OVER and OVER, every day of our lives.

Moreover, we trust too much in people.  We put our faith in them, rather than in our Lord.  There’s a big difference between trust and TRUST.  When I compare myself, base myself on the people around me, there are two possible results:  I’m either inadequate or I’m superior.  Both are wrong.  I must look at myself through Christ’s eyes, and then I will see the truth of me.

I am most certainly inadequate and hopelessly helpless in comparison to God.  Yet He has given me hope, help and value.  I am His tool for His work.  When I am not acting like a proper tool for His will, I am a failure.  I must keep myself sharp, well balanced and clean.  Most of all, my condition is all the “payment” I can offer for the incalculable blessing and sacrifice that He made for me.  In Romans, the very first two verses of chapter 12, my condition and why I should be as He commands is succinctly laid on the table.  Because it’s my new status as a child of God.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

I, you, we, all live too much in the world.  We fret, we hobble ourselves, we flay ourselves, we weep and gnash our teeth in our little hells, for we fail to comprehend what God has done, what He has ordered and what He has promised.

Parting thoughts:

Though the pain is an ocean,

tossing us around and around,

You have calmed greater waters

and higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

Return to the Word, all of us.  Open our minds and hearts to our Master and despise the trickery and misery that this world insists is our nature.  We are Not Of This World.  Here is my prayer.  That we pursue Him instead of us.

“These tears I’ve cried, I’ve cried a thousand oceans.” But we can take joy despite our tears, for none of this is forever.  The darkness will fade as the Son rises to claim us.  Just remember, He’s already done so, and all we’re waiting for now is His personal visit to bring us to our Only Home.

n to the remainder of the Ten Commandments. It’s imperative to recognize once again how much speech Moses dedicated to the first two, so I am reading that part again before I start writing this part.

Points that ring in my mind:

We are to fear God. For a Christian, this fear is akin to that of our parents, one of healthy respect that if we please them, we will see the joy of being their children. But if we fail to obey and show our respect, we will see the penalty, painful in some way or another. It is not a panicked, irrational fear experienced by the unsaved when they face God’s presence, but a knowledge that we will be disciplined, chastised as required for our sin. Big difference.

God Himself put these commandments out. He didn’t “inspire” Moses to come up with them. He wrote them and gave them to Moses. We cannot forget that this Bible of ours is of God. Of God does not mean merely “in the likeness” or after God, but inspired-breathed-out by Him. He didn’t hire an agent to get the gist of things down on a sheet of paper, tuned to the ears of the media. God is the writer, producer and editor of this book, and he included nothing but truth on every page.

Idolatry leads to corruption. It’s not just that God is a selfish God, and will have no other between Him and His worshipers. Idolatry redirects our lives away from God, which will inevitably result in sinful choices. A worldly deity will demand this, period. Even should we fool ourselves into thinking it’s safe to pursue our little gods so long as we give the greater deference to the Chief God, we are still deeply corrupting our relationship with Him. All or none is what God demands, for good reason. He is the ONLY source of godliness in all existence.

God promises mercy. He knows we’re going to make those little god choices and though He proclaims His anger will be provoked by such things, He is faithful and will forgive us upon our repentance. Our actions will result in punishment but our repentance will result in restoration to His grace.

Now back to the headlines.

“You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes His name in vain.”

There are all sorts of discussions about what this means. The greatest misuse of His name is still that of oaths. When we swear something to be true, calling upon our God as a witness, we are doing several things at once. First, we are claiming that the matter at hand, requiring an oath, is at the level of God’s interest. I’ll make a bet that 999 out of 1,000 times, this is not the case and we are calling upon God’s ultimate cosmic authority to render valid an argument as silly as “who hit which car with another car because of gross negligence, causing monetary damages etc…”

Why in the world would we do this? God may indeed have His hand in the daily incidents, but do we have the ability to invoke His power to govern our arguments in such mundane things? Foolishness. There are plenty more applications of the name of the Lord, namely that of calling upon Him to witness our silliness and unthinking ways, to include that ultimately wasteful and inappropriate call for Him to damn something. Almost all of this is now a matter of simply not thinking about what we’re saying. Loose lips sink respect for God.

“Observe the Sabbath day, to keep it holy, as the Lord your God commanded you. Six days shall you labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the Lord your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your ox, nor your donkey, nor any of your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates, that your male servant and your female servant may rest as well as you. And remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there by a mighty hand and by an outstretched arm; therefore the Lord your God commanded you to keep the Sabbath day.”

As I’m reading and typing these down here, I am reminded (and amazed) at all the ridiculous perversions of the Commandments we have developed over the ages. Pharisaical is still a valid descriptive in the 21st Century. Our current culture doesn’t work with the misconception that no work will be done on Sunday (or Saturday or whatever). How in the world can it work in the first place?

I’m a sailor. I fight in wars and wars go on about 9 or 10 days a week, about 29 hours per day and they’ve jammed so many minutes into an hour that I’m lost trying to keep track of them. I do not have the opportunity to observe the pharisaical Sabbath. Will not any time soon. So how do we reconcile with God’s commandment? On His Day (which is technically Every Day), honor Him even more specifically than on the other days. More purposefully, attend services, spend all those free moments, usually occupied in goofing off and playing around, with God in prayer, meditation, praise, fellowship.

There are many excellent reasons for the Sabbath, whether a truly restful and God-centered entire day or one that requires work of some sort. God-centered is the main requirement. We spend so much time in the world that we easily forget our place before Him. We must take the time to manually reset our spiritual states. Should we abide in Him, we will find our rest in Him and our Lord will give us the means to continue on in His service. Even in my days of endless work, I can find the time (praise Him) to stop, check and redirect my paths.

That’s the work for this reading session. I have now covered all the God-specific commandments. He is God. He is to be the Sole Focus of our lives. Therefore no other “god” can come between us and Him. No degrading of His Name should pass our lips. We are to specifically set time to regain our composure in Him.

Final notes and a summary of Chapter 4.

John lets us in on a real tangible sign of growth, then recaps the bulk of everything else I’ve read so far.

“Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.

“If someone says, ‘I love God’, and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.”

Love perfected? Surely not! Er. Bad use of Paul’s incredulous language, I suppose. Here’s the thing I understand about love being perfected in us. If you take it in context with the rest of the verse and through 19, it’s apparent this love is not connected to the world. This is the love of our Lord. Our love for our Lord. If we’ve turned to Him in repentance and faith, then we’ve clearly got to have some feelings about Him.

I’d suspect that a common Christian memory of the moment of salvation is a distinct feeling of relief.

STOP. Read it again, that last line.

————————–

————————–

Okay, did you recall that experience? (if not, think for a moment one more time)

I did, and it’s a refreshing memory. Kinda like the Mufasa thing from The Lion King, “Say it again!”

Next feeling. LOVE. What sheer love did we find in us for our new Master? I’ll tell you what. My personal feeling was like a massive fusion thing going on. I had the relief of forgiveness that surpasses all comprehension. Then I had relief of finally being able to love. Then I had the distinct sensation of love.

That middle sentence explained: I’d been battling for probably months, maybe a year or so, with the Lord. It wasn’t exactly a really quick shot from sinner to saved for me. Now that I look at it (just today, studying and writing this), I realize a longer process going on over time . I knew all about God’s love. I’d grown up with it. In 2003 I still knew about God’s love! You see, I was one of those people in 1st Corinthians 15:1-2, who didn’t hold fast, who wasn’t built up on a foundation of stone.

” Moreover, brethren, I declare to you the gospel which I preached to you, which also you received and in which you stand, by which also you are saved, if you hold fast that word which I preached to you — unless you believed in vain.”

The Gospel was in my head for 29 years (minus the time from birth to cognizance of course), it just never made it to my heart. But I knew God. I knew Him in the fashion of a student who had grown up in the study of something fantastic but never believed. I knew God’s love, I just hadn’t experienced it. I knew what loving God entailed, I just hadn’t experienced it.

During the last months of my life, before I died to the world, I really think my hate (cold and calculating, secretive and shadowy), was fueled by this intense battle against the truth.

And, especially, against a real desire to see fixed the absolute poverty of me. I knew what to do. I defied that course, and I think the last days of it were probably a real desire to love God. Remember those days in the pre-20s when we were all lookin’ for a real true love? And that fear of expressing love? That overpowering knowledge that she was the one, yet the complete, mind-numbing blockage that kept us from saying it?

Translate that to a craving for rightness. For access to God. For His love and to love Him in return. And when I found myself at His feet? All that came tumbling down upon me, the love, the relief, the excitement and joy. Though the intensity has subsided over these few years, the fact exists. Love has been perfected in me. I love the Father. I have confidence before Him now, and will have that confidence before His throne in heaven.

Where does all that emotional garble I just pasted lead? Fear.

How, in God’s great creation, can someone who has such a love and a desire for love, and also receiving love in kind (far better in quality and quantity than my own), have any place for fear in the heart for that God? John says it simply, confidence.

We are confident in the love of our Father. Just as, when I was a kid, I had a fully trusting love and confidence in my parents, and did not fear them, but relied upon them. This is more so, for parents can fail us. God will not.

Are we now fear-proof? Can we cruise along and forget about everything else? Surely not! Fear still exists. You know it. So do I. We’re still conniving, vicious, unpleasant, selfish (insert redundant terms x10 here) people. And our fear of God is in that sin. You sin, fear of God steps in. I sin, fear of God steps in.

Sin represses that surety and security we find in Him. We cannot lose our salvation, but we absolutely will lose our confidence, our comfort and our peace of mind. This is the feeling we should be probing for. As with a sore tooth, we should be constantly prodding and poking at that sin, to prove out our pain from it. I have recently been convinced that asking God for a reinforced sense of guilt is not a bad idea sometimes. We get ingrained in our sin patterns and the conscience doesn’t always keep up with the duties (rotten sin-nature symptom).

But back to the point here. Fear of God is not a characteristic of a Christian. That fear which builds respect? I think we need a better term, for the English language uses fear for both concepts. Fear of falling off a 10,000 foot cliff and fear of a machine upon which you perform maintenance are not really the same. Christian fear of God is that fear which builds desire to please Him, glorify Him and abide in Him, for we know what we were and what that old fear was. Fear of destruction is not the same as fear of chastisement.

Wow, I’ve muddied that up pretty well. Now the disclaimer, and after that you can read about the summary.

In summary, verse 24 is quick and straightforward.

Now (listen, don’t forget, pay attention), he who keeps His commandments: Love. Love. Love. What did the Lord do three times to Peter after His resurrection? He asked for love and commanded love three times. John 21:15, 16 and 17.

Love God. Love the brethren. Love the lost.

By these actions, our ability to perform them, we know He is in us. That He abides in us and we abide in Him. The Holy Spirit, our Helper, our Counselor, our Enabler proves it.

So to end on a historical note. Shamrocks come in a standard package. 3 leaves. Three hearts. Happy Saint Patrick’s Day. Go love three people. Him, another Christian, someone who doesn’t know Him.

Amen.