Paper Screams was condemned to the ether-trash a little while ago.  I have uploaded the last backup from March 25th of 2009.  All poetry is on LAH now as well as whatever postings were on PS.  It’s organized by dates of original posts.  Poetry is still sorted as was on PS (category/book).  Many of the images were lost because of dropped links (outside the home site) and I’ll fix those I can.  Some may not come back.

I have applied the category “Paper Screams” to all the poetry.  Additional categories that apply to Paper Screams content include:

• Nightfall
• Paper Screams
• Poetry
• Shadows
• Sunrise
• Flickers

NOTE:  My work in Paper Screams spans about 20 years of my life and there is material that is not suitable for youn-uns (primarily in the Sunrise department).  I have made efforts to notify readers of sensitive material in such cases.  You’ll see them with the headline

“This poem is classified DRUNEO for Don’t Read Unless Not Easily Offended.”

(Notify me immediately if I’ve missed one)

There are NO instances of inappropriate imagery or other media on the site.

I was going to delay-post this and have it show up on the 9th.  For undisclosed reasons which certain people already know, I’m going to release it now.

It’s a happy 32 years on the 9th of this month for my MIL and FIL.  I also owe my FIL an article from way back, and MIL’s birthday is this week too.  I thought a good way capture all this at once is with a little research paper on the things that have enabled the longevity of marriages throughout the ages.  Many of these are things I’ve encountered in the years of my own marriage.

1. Crises and blessings are best experienced with someone you know and trust.
2. Puzzles go better with two who don’t mind bumping into each other.
3. Beauty lasts forever when you’re loved for life.
4. Change happens, sometimes it stinks, too.  Isn’t it nice to have one thing still the same?
5. Children learn love and partnership in only one setting.
6. You can’t fanny-pat just anybody.
7. Cooking treats for someone who will give you an honest review.  Guests just can’t be trusted.
8. Could there be a better goal in life than to care for someone in all aspects of their lives for the entirety of their lives?
9. Cross-country treks and the sight of God’s mighty creation are things to share.  Memories are better in stereo.
10. Two words:  “Daddy!  Mommy!”
11. Dinner alone gets lonely.
12. Feminine and masculine are real in marriage.
13. Sappy movies are best endured watched while snuggled up in pairs.
14. From the day we stand at the altar, God is with us in marriage, backing us up.  Matthew 18:20.
15. Marriage is fundamental in the concept of the church.  Ephesians 5.
16. Without husbands and wives, the flower arrangement industry would crumble.
17. You can’t just walk up to anybody and say nonsensical mushy stuff whenever you want.
18. Making eye contact.
19. Having learned 32 years of how it works makes for reputable advice to others.
20. Euchre is best battled out with married couples.
21. A house with one occupant is dreadfully silent.
22. It’s an effective means of combating immorality.  1 Corinthians 7:2.
23. Life-long conversation with someone who knows you better every day can be nothing but productive.
24. Makes bathtime so much fun.
25. Man is created in God’s image. God is love. There is no greater exercise of  love than through marriage.
26. Nothing is so good as coming home to someone who has been waiting for you.
27. Two more words: “Grandma!  Grandpa!”
28. Other people would be rather worried if you gave THEM little presents every day.
29. A pair of spines are better than one.
30. God set marriage up. Genesis 2:18-24
31. Having a partner in trials has doubled resources to effectively deal with them.
32. Prayer is exponentially enhanced when two sets of hearts and minds are pleading.
33. A king sized bed has only two realistic purposes.  Compensating for lack of other furniture and…
34. Somebody has to be around to make sense of what you’re trying to think through.
35. Friends and families move around for jobs, location and God’s direction.  Husbands and wives remain.
36. Touching.
37. Benefits include woodwork and Corona with a SIL.
38. Strangers are not inherently worthy of trust.  Three decades of intimacy guarantee.
39. Sunrise and mussed hair in your face coincide with joy.
40. You can’t just walk up to anybody and kiss ‘em whenever you see ‘em.
41. Sympathy isn’t easy to order over the phone.  In-home care by dedicated professionals is preferred.
42. Too many people claim their wedding day was the happiest day of their lives, this must mean something.
43. Kissing is awesome.
44. When you want to go your own way, God set up a pretty good alignment system: your significant other.
45. Who better to stay up with into the wee hours talking about nothing in particular?
46. Sleeping with teddy bears is for kids; the concept behind this, however, is universal and spans all ages.
47. Wuv.  Twoo Wuv.  Mawwage is what bwings us togevvah today.
48. Talking to yourself in public is certain to result in funny looks.  A good wife gives you funny looks regardless how sane you are.
49. Yet another two words:  “Love you.”
50. If I had written this with my Wife here, I would have been informed, prior to publishing, that I had written 39 42 50 items, which doesn’t match the title of this article.

Mom, Dad, I thank you for the gift of your daughter. Our marriage is a result of yours. May you enjoy many more years together, loving each other, facing the challenges of life together, serving our Lord together. You are in our thoughts and prayers.

This whole chapter is about obedience, but I am thinking most on the passage from verse 17-26 in particular.

Lots of darkness has been looming these past few weeks.  I am thinking all the time of what good words I can craft together to make wise and encouraging statements to all my suffering loved ones.  What has held me back? How come this blog and the email fog haven’t been stuffed with my prayers and thoughts?  I have a low level of confidence right now, I think, primarily due to an overwhelming sense that I just don’t have the connection to or the right amount of personal importance to say much.

What’s that mean?  First off, I just don’t comprehend some of the trials that are around me.  I can’t wrap my head around things like depression and misery that attacks so many of us.  I’m sure I suffer from mild forms of it from time to time, but I don’t feel like I have experienced it or understand it well enough to be able to be of any value.  In response to the heartache all around, what I have to offer is prayer.  I’m sure I don’t know what more to do.  So often, I come across as preachy (or at least think I do), and “holier-than-thou” in my words.  It’s never my intent, but happens anyway.

I could send cards all over the world.  Pretty Hallmark junk with smarmy gook that really means nothing.  I could type up long letters of “I love you I love you I love you…” but that just doesn’t make much sense to me either.  I figure whatever I do would potentially evolve into a self-deprecation episode just to make the recipient feel better because they’re not as bad off as me.  “If my misery is worse than your misery, then you must be okay, right?”  Believe me, I’ve done that plenty of times before, and it’s downright stupid (as well as lying both to myself and others).

And this little article is just rambling along.  I’m trying to get into a groove that will open up what I want to say.  Not sure if that’ll happen.

Look, if you’re down and you’re in the dark; if all that seems worthwhile is worthless, if the things that drive you just took you off the pavement and into the brush, it just doesn’t seem of any value for me to remind you that I love you, that I’m thinking of you, that I’m praying for you.  Many of us are all praying for each other.  Many of us are thinking of all the ways we might be able to encourage each other.  And we all either goof up the attempts or give up on them before the attempts are even made.  When the chips are down, the crowd scatters, apparently.

Here’s what keeps me going when I’m battling sin or loneliness or whatever else burdens me here.  It’s a roller-coaster battle here in FarFar Away, with good days and rotten ones.  I remember the claims in the Word here, like this one:

“If you should say in your heart, ‘These nations are greater than I; how can I dispossess them?’  you shall not be afraid of them but you shall remember well what the Lord your God did to pharaoh and to all Egypt:  the great trials which your eyes saw, the signs and the wonders, the mighty hand and the outstretched arm, by which the Lord your God brought you out.”

He did for them and promised the same to us.

In short, the whole of chapter 7 can be summed in a little bitty memo-sized comment:

• FROM: God
• TO: You
• SUBJECT: Stopped by while you were out of the office.

• OBEY.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  I ALREADY DEMONSTRATED WHAT I’LL DO FOR YOU TO PROTECT AND HOLD YOU UP.  YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE AFRAID.  EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT.  DO IT LIKE I TOLD YOU.  OBEY.
• ACTION:  Please Return Call

I can’t stress enough the things that I hold most valuable in this little life of mine.  I am not very good at keeping them in front of me, but they tend to serve in a crisis:

1.  Material things are junk.  Enjoy them.  Despise them.  Be responsible how you use them.  Whatever you like as long as they don’t interfere with your relationship with the Master.  They’re gifts from Him, not replacements for Him.  YOU CAN’T TAKE IT WITH YOU.  I always WANT things.  I always want BETTER things.  I always do BETTER when I stop WANTING things.  There are few things I should want.  Take all the crust and toppings away and here’s what I want:   MY HEALTH, MY FAMILY, MY GOD.  All the colorful bits swirling around me distract me from this simple list of three things.

2.  When crisis hits, there is only one way out.  A Christian knows what this out is.  Do it.  There is always a Godly choice, and to choose anything else is going to end up likely worsening the whole thing.  Even if the Godly route is WAIT, there is one, and it’s there.  I don’t do well with this unless it’s a real big problem.  Little ones are just as important, but I have the faulty habit of cruising along until I get into neck-deep hoo-hoo before looking to God for the answers  Literally, when the pain begins, I must drop the toys I’m holding and run for the hills wherein the Lord’s will awaits.

In Matthew 4:18-20, Jesus enlists His first disciples.  They drop EVERYTHING when He calls them.  No grabbing the keys or loose change.  No quick donning of overcoats or looking for the cellphone.  They up and left, lit a shuck, DESERTED their immediate activities to follow Him.  They were called to a lifetime of service, and see where it led them?  We are called to do the same thing.  Every day we are called.  In this material world, it’s like every morning is the same scenario that happened ONCE for the first disciples.  We’re at our business, oblivious to everything when suddenly Christ calls us up, and, like Groundhog Day, it happens OVER and OVER and OVER, every day of our lives.

Moreover, we trust too much in people.  We put our faith in them, rather than in our Lord.  There’s a big difference between trust and TRUST.  When I compare myself, base myself on the people around me, there are two possible results:  I’m either inadequate or I’m superior.  Both are wrong.  I must look at myself through Christ’s eyes, and then I will see the truth of me.

I am most certainly inadequate and hopelessly helpless in comparison to God.  Yet He has given me hope, help and value.  I am His tool for His work.  When I am not acting like a proper tool for His will, I am a failure.  I must keep myself sharp, well balanced and clean.  Most of all, my condition is all the “payment” I can offer for the incalculable blessing and sacrifice that He made for me.  In Romans, the very first two verses of chapter 12, my condition and why I should be as He commands is succinctly laid on the table.  Because it’s my new status as a child of God.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”

I, you, we, all live too much in the world.  We fret, we hobble ourselves, we flay ourselves, we weep and gnash our teeth in our little hells, for we fail to comprehend what God has done, what He has ordered and what He has promised.

Parting thoughts:

Though the pain is an ocean,

tossing us around and around,

You have calmed greater waters

and higher mountains have come down.

I will sing of Your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy.

Return to the Word, all of us.  Open our minds and hearts to our Master and despise the trickery and misery that this world insists is our nature.  We are Not Of This World.  Here is my prayer.  That we pursue Him instead of us.

“These tears I’ve cried, I’ve cried a thousand oceans.” But we can take joy despite our tears, for none of this is forever.  The darkness will fade as the Son rises to claim us.  Just remember, He’s already done so, and all we’re waiting for now is His personal visit to bring us to our Only Home.

he US has a really neat way of going about things that are challenging. Maybe Americans in general. Many people I know do. Here’s how it goes…

“Hm. That didn’t seem to work…” –perplexed but unmiffed expression–

“Let’s try it with a little different approach…” –more concentrated, squint and deliberate expression–

“So…Is that how you want it to be?… –extracting from bag of resources a large, imposing, destructive implement–

Well,

Then…

Take…

THIS!“

So, in response to my short and sweet introduction to Francis Chan and Bible study tonight, just a simple and peaceful reminder of things I forget too often:

To my frustrations and worries…

Take

This:

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Philippians 4:4:

“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy — meditate on these things. The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.”

I don’t know everything about this preacher. His websites are pretty flashy. I do like that. I like his sermon about loving God. I didn’t come away with some revival tempest feeling or other nonsense. I’ve heard what he preached on before, but he did present the material in a way that provokes serious thought. Loving God is a command. I keep forgetting this, though I ran through all of 1st John with that message and again it’s in Deuteronomy. Just another whack with the reminderstick, I guess.

The peace of God is that peace of knowing, completely, that everything is taken care of. God has peace because He knows and created and is in control of everything. That means if we have the Peace of God which Surpasses All Understanding we have the peace that comes as a result of knowing God has Everything squared away, even if, to our human perspective, it doesn’t usually look like it.

My little innovation for the night:

The Bad circle and the Good circle. In each the motion and dynamic is the same. You move around in the circle. One thing can lead to another or you can experience it separate from the precedent. Notice that wherever you are on the circle, only two points at most are always close and all the rest get farther and farther away. What does that interesting effect imply in each circle? Which circle seems more appealing?

Okay.

These things we create for ourselves……………..And these are the ones we find in God.

Look how the points can react together (though I just brainstormed them and then stuck em in no particular order). Look at how, no matter where you are in the Bad Circle, you’ll never get close enough to defeat or deal with all the other 6 or 7 points because your position is dominated by the closest 1 or 2. Funny, though the two seem equally designed as far as points and motion and all that, the two circles have very different effects as they are traveled.

Look how, no matter where you are in the Good Circle, you have a whole deluge of great stuff right ahead.

This isn’t a great graphic thingy. The list of points is neither comprehensive nor exhaustive. It’s not really inspired or intended to produce oohs and aahs. It’s a quick, logical attempt to promote thought about this: Choose your target. If you focus on Godly things, His gifts, qualities, promises, ways, you engage in the Good Circle and they link together.

If you focus on worldly things, the stresses, the troubles, the wants and needs, the impossibles and the tediousness, you’re taking pot-shots at single targets and the whole time you’re surrounded by the rest which you’ll never manage to face down altogether.

So the point is give the Bad Circle to the Lord. Hand Him your shadows and switch to His circle. We cannot overcome these worldly things, but He can.

There’s a key point in the Good Circle. Challenge. In the diagrams, I’m not trying to introduce the idea that we just leave it all to God and not work at our troubles and lives. We need to look at challenges as just that, Challenges. Work is a gift and a functional design element from God. We were designed for work.

Also, the speed with which we move in each circle affects us too. If we run from the problems, where do we end up?

So I think this might be a neat thing just to keep on a little card, maybe the Good Circle and the Bad Circle each on a side. Just a little graphic reminder of what we could be doing with our time.

One last note. Look at the points again. Not one of them can be found in the opposing circle. My favorite one is COMPLETION. I cannot find completion in the Bad Circle. That’s just my current favorite. I’ll move around the circle and find another really great one to contemplate later on.

Oh, Permalink: My Anthology, poetry: Paper Screams

I’m finally putting the book together.  You can help by visiting the site and leaving your suggestions!

________________________

Ailah

has the sun at last
begun to shine
have the stars finally
decided they are mine

and will I see her rising up
like the sun that is in my dreams
for I have had only my dreaming
until now, until I saw her dreams

this loneliness has been too long
and so much have I missed her
and now this faint love song
and a sad kiss are in the air

and I shall swear
should this sun rise
or never be there
I am my beloved’s

and I shall love her
and these tears have found a home
and she shall love me
and no longer are we alone.

___________________________________________
I sang this song when I found her
I sing it to this day
I could not be happier

ne thing you can do, as a reader, is to keep me abreast of the successes or failures of the presentation. I’ve enabled fonts and colors on this site that you might not be able to see, or may not come across looking right. Let me know if you like or don’t like something, I might be able to fix it!

Current fonts enabled: “blackadder ITC”, Georgia, “bookman old style”, “lucida console”, Arial, Sans-Serif, Verdana, Helvetica.

They will load in order of precedence from blackadder to Helvetica so if your computer doesn’t have blackadder as a font, then you’ll see Georgia (and so on).

Colors are a different problem. If something looks goofy, you’ll have to tell my where and then I can try to figure it out. I’ve tried to stick with the “Web-Safe” palettes, but most computers shouldn’t have issues these days.

This little button is my first try at making pretty stuff. It’s pretty rough, but I’ll get better. Only about 20 minutes work.

Things I want to learn about this website mess:

How to change the background on this Darkwaters theme.

How to manage the upload directory (see and mess with all the files I upload, including images, music etc.).

Eventually how to build my own theme.

I know the basics of how to create images for publishing, just not how to integrate them into a website (buttons and frames).

That’s it for Post #1.

Extension to POST #1: (30 JAN 08)

Okay. Figured out the Colors thing and the background. There are a few more items I’ll have to work on just for my personal taste’s sake.

Not sure I like this color scheme. The Desert background is nice, but not my favorite. It all seems to come together for good presentation, though, which is good enough for now.

I’m working on designing some floaty buttons, just for the fun of it. They’ll be pretty (I’ll put some up for show soon).

Gotta buy a domain name. Gotta figure out the details for that stuff. Gotta change the title bar to the right thing. Gotta figure out some PHP rules so I can add new links to the sidebar (friend pages and resources).

Still want to learn the best way to change fonts in individual posts. I think I can do it through the plain font code I learned, but it seems sloppy.

I’m sold on the Freshy2 theme.  It works far better than the other ones and has customizeable content built in (no more trying to translate pages and replacing values.  God Bless the inventor of the GUI ).